I'm writing this, despite the title, with a meaning towards positivity. You see, the title feels wrong, and it is... but not for the reasons that you might expect. It has to do with points of view, and our inclination to leap to conclusions based on limited information. 

I was born to a 16-year-old mother and a 22-year-old father in Connecticut. I was almost aborted at one point, which is what most people react to when they hear this story. The fact is, I wasn't, so that has very little impact on me. I'm here, after all. 

I was put up for adoption. Growing up, I was always told that my father had abandoned my mother when I was born, and that she had no choice. I grew up feeling this vague shadow of being somehow flawed as a result. I wasn't wanted from the moment I was born. This is a result of what was in my adoption file, and conveyed to my parents through the agency. I'm grateful that they chose to explain to me what adoption was from an early age, and why it was that I was still special. That said, I do feel like the adoption agencies shouldn't be passing on secondhand information like that. 

I was 24 when my biological family found me. One of my half-sisters -- same father -- paid a private detective to help track me down. It turns out that my father, when I was born, had a well-paying factor job, and wanted to keep me. My mother's mother, though... she felt betrayed by his relationship with her daughter. The two had been raised almost as siblings, and had been through a lot together. My maternal grandmother actually adopted my mother in the first place. She was big on adoption. She seemed to look at all children as being hers, for a while. I don't know; she died before we could make a connection. 

My mother was largely unattached and immature. She was, as I understand it, a pretty typical 16-year-old. I grew up, though, thinking that my dad wanted to get rid of me, and the opposite turns out to be true. My biological father is a loving and strongly attached man. He's a good man. My adoptive parents are still my parents, but I know now that I can be proud of where I come from. 

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I was adopted too, as was one of my siblings, a sister. I also have a brother who is biologically my parents'. Growing up, he used to put on airs as the oldest, but never as the only "real" child. My parents were very clear, without being oppressive: we were all their children. It's a lesson I took to heart early on.


The agency should never have passed along such subjective and disconnected informtion. I'm very glad for you, that you were able to find out the truth. I hope you have a healthy relationship with both families today.


Adoption is a beautiful, loving gesture; the love of acceptance, and the love of admitting that one isn't ready to assume certain responsibilities. Both have their trials. What that agency did is not easily forgivable, but I hope that you've come to terms with what happened. I'm glad that you've made contact with your family and that things seem to be going so well.