I don't know why I get such guilt when I see people who are happy. Or at least act happy. I ask myself what is wrong with me that I am not happy. I have a beautiful husband and son. Who love me. Some people would kill for that! We aren't rich but we have love. I see commercials that show such happy people and it makes me more sad. I look back at my past and both my parents died when I was young, I miss them terribly still and it's been almost 30 years. My husband got hurt and we had to move in with my sister. Who was nice enough to  stay here. So I really don't have to worry about a roof over our heads or food in our bellies. I guess I'm always worried about what will happen in the future instead of just enjoying today. So my OCD is bad because I think that if I use the stripped towel instead of the plain white ones that something bad will happen to me or my family. Or if I just mention being happy without knocking on wood 4 times that's it a terrible event will happen.  In fact just writing about it gives me great anxiety.  Whew,  OK I just knocked on wood. I just want peace I want to be happy not worry what will happen bad tomorrow.  OK thank for letting me get that off my chest. 

User Comments
Anon-1

Have you seen someone about your OCD? It may make it easier to deal with and spend more time focussing upon the positives in your life rather than on the negatives. its hard i know but you have started to list some positives in this post so focussing upon them rather than the percieved negatives mat help. wish you all the best