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Random writing I’ve had anxiety problems for the past year or so and it’s really affected my life during that time period. I used to be comfortable and not worried about going to school or dealing with crowds of people. Since I’ve experienced my so called anxiety I haven’t felt the same or been the same way I was before, I talk substantially less and I am less concerned about school. I can’t blame it all on anxiety because I had many ups and downs before it kicked in.
Having one of my closest friends move out of state who I talked to about everything affected me and how social I was. I’ve never opened up to someone like that before and it was like I didn’t want to go through all that again so I decided to just keep to myself and that’s probably when my anxiety started. I never talked about any of my problems after she left I just shielded it all with other things like video games or music.
I figured no one would care about “my problems” because I’m not anyone special like a star athlete or a 4.0 student. I’m just another average kid. So I didn’t both anyone and then I really went into depression after hearing what my dad was saying to my sister about committing suicide because he didn’t see us enough…
I’m a person who always blames themselves before even assuming its someone else’s fault and everyone is telling me “oh Tyler it’s not your fault” but the one person who should tell me that is isn’t my fault never does. I always wonder why I think this way because I don’t walk around unhappy which is probably what most people assume of me. I just like to keep to myself at this point in my life because I feel more relieved by myself or blocking out all the outside noise. I mean me being alone is so much easier for me because I can be myself.
No one really knew my true self because I never found anyone who I can be 100% comfortable. Music has always been the thing for me, anytime or any song just redirects my feelings or emphasizes them to another level. This was before senior year started though and mind you I had a complete different attitude up until 2nd semester of sophomore year, anyways senior year has been very weird. Ive got a new job; I mean my first job lol. Anyways I got a job at subway and the people there are all just one of a kind people but we all get along and it’s just a great group of people.
Korbin, probably, I don’t know how to describe him lol but he’s definitely a friend who cares a lot about people and he’s always got my back and I don’t even have to ask. But I mean we’ve had our screw-ups and stuff but we both have enough respect for each other to drop all the crap. He is a really funny guy and he usually takes things to a new level of too far but that’s Korbin for you and you just got to accept that part of him first and then you can really find out what he’s really like. I could keep going with stories of me and him and it’s only been like 7 months since I’ve known him but it definitely feels longer. Next coworker I guess would be Kyle, he’s a really funny kid, he just does things that are just funny to me and I don’t know really how to talk about it but anyways he’s also showed me some awesome music and has made me addicted to saying some really dumb stuff, when me and him worked together during my training to open. He’s a really cool dude and I don’t know I have a lot to say but don’t know how to say it. The next coworker would be ashlyn and the funny thing is I was only going to do current subway workers but ashlyn and I were just really close and she never judged me and I mean no one else judged me either but it was just different around her.
Everyone else didn’t really like ashlyn too much and I never understood why. They said she didn’t work hard when they worked together and wasn’t very nice to them. But every time me and her worked it was one of the greatest days of work I experienced lol. So I defended ashlyn every time, maybe I was wrong but I was just defending a friend no matter what. Anyways she got fired and I mean it sucks but maybe it was better for everyone else since she only seemed to work with me as they say.
Next coworker would be Christian, this kid is the goofiest kid in the world and I don’t use goofy like ever lol. But he is such a good person and he does everything and I mean this guy is a great person and when I met him at work I thought this guy is really cocky cause first few sentences he said was “I’m the best worker in the store I’m the only one who cleans” so I kind of looked at him and laughed in my head but now that I know him, I know that Christian is the best there and he works hard and he definitely does not get credit for all that he does for that store. He works so hard at the store and anywhere else he goes. I have so much respect for him and he respects me too. You probably think Christian is a really serious person but like I said in the beginning he’s one of the funniest people I’ve met.
Next worker would be Ryan. Ryan is a really cool person and he is definitely another one of the funniest guys I’ve ever met. Working with him was always fun times cause he’d always be making jokes or just trying to do something funny and he’s a nice guy like damn this kid is so nice to every customer and he would always offer help to the elderly or anyone who looked like they were struggling with something. But anyways he always tried to get me to rap battle him lol and I never got to tell him my rap I made to get him back cause he’s fired now.. but this was what I remember “my name is Tyler and I have never done this before, but this kid Ryan cant even sweep up the god damn floor, he’s been here for two months—maybe that wasn’t it but I know I ended it with “and he still don’t know what he doing” maybe I’ll remember later.
Next coworker would be Brittany, Brittany and I never really worked together but when we did, her and I just joked around and she makes the funniest faces lol I swear. But anyways I told her I’d always be there for her and if she needed me and yeah we had fun times at work and she’s really cool and fun to be around. And she always went with all the jokes we played on her and never took it seriously which was cool and she’s super chill like when me and Christian made her make us both of our sandwiches by saying it was for a woman coming in for a pickup order and after she found out she just gave us the death glare but it was all fun and game. Also I’ll always remember hitting her in the head that Friday night lol…. Also when Christian and I were there for her when shit got real with her relationship. Not sure how to end this part lol.
Next coworker is Libby, this girl is I don’t know just a good warmhearted person who deserves to be happy and successful and not deserve any crap that brings her down but even when people do try to talk crap about her she brushes it off she is such a strong person and its really awesome for her to be where she is after all she’s been through. The thing she does for people around her is just amazing and she is such a selfless person and a great friend who does the right thing no matter what will be the outcome. The next coworker is Maddie, this girl came from Massaschutes and lol that doesn’t mean anything but anyways she is a really awesome person and I know she’s there for me when I need her and she’s been through some shit that I can’t even imagine and I have a lot of respect for her for staying strong and moving through it all. I hope she knows it’ll get better cause there’s more of life to experience.
Alright the last worker I think I’m going to talk about is Evalyn. This girl I don’t even know, just the moment I saw her at work and introduced myself I got a certain feeling from her, after training her the first days she thanked me and I don’t know from then on I just wanted to get to know her but I didn’t want to force it. Then maybe next shift or so she kind of opened up to me and I was surprised and I don’t know from then on I went to her if I had a problem or something, I remember being so nervous about getting her number or talking to her outside of work and I didn’t want to ruin anything and it’s funny how nervous I was and I didn’t even need to be.Anyways I don’t know how we started talking outside of work but damn was I happy after every text I got.
Korbin and I would laugh at how excited I would get or how cautious I was about replying to her. So yeah me and Evalyn just grew closer after a night none of us will forget and even before that I felt like me and Evalyn were going to be good friends and I mean I don’t know. Anyways after that night we started going on walks and I remember her asking me that and I was just so happy like “wow did someone like her really ask me to “just” take a walk with her” I wasn’t sure how it was going to go because I’m not a very open person and I knew being around her was going to make me nervous because I did like her and I did want all this to happen and it was happening right in front of me.
So we met at the park and I brought my lab and she brought her big dog too. Anyways we just kind of started talking about work and little basic things but then like 10 minutes later we just went into deep talks. And I really got to know her and it was a great feeling to be around her and have her tell me these things and I loved hearing the stories she told me I just found them so interesting and some I could like sort of relate to and others made me think about things differently. I love hearing people’s stories so I had a lot of fun and for once I really shared deep stories and thoughts with a girl I knew for less than a month, but it was just so easy to open up to her and I could just talk to her forever it felt like, I really learned a lot about her and everything went smooth and I wasn’t really nervous at all and its funny cause the next couple of walks the same things would happen, we would just talk for a few hours but we still didn’t run out of things to talk about. Then she invited me over to her house once we got done with our walk but we had to train her little dog shadow to like me cause he’s a little aggressive lol, well after about 20 minutes and one bite mark on my leg, me and him got along.
Anyways so we went on our usual walk and we went to her house and I met her mom and she seemed to be okay with me. So Evalyn and I went into her little office area with her computer. She put on some of her music she listens to and she separates it all into moods she’s in which I think is really cool. So we started stretching and trying to work out since we were “workout buddies” haha. I don’t remember when I left but I know it was hard for me to leave because I just wanted to keep listening to her stories and talking to her. Or even having those moments of silence but I never felt awkward around her. It’s just nice to be around a girl like her. So that night I head home, (I’m forgetting a lot of stuff but so much happens with us that it’s hard to keep track) I know afterwards we were texting talking about how she uses words of appreciation to express herself and then physical contact comes next. Like hugs and such. So the next day we walk with sniper her big dog and shadow the little one.
Actually I think it was just sniper but anyway Evalyn was having a rough day and so when we saw each other we hugged and I swear I’m not making this up. Sniper starts going in circles around us while we were hugging lol that dog was wing manning me so hard lol. It was nice to have someone to hug but anyways Evalyn wasn’t having the greatest day so we sat down and talked and then went walking after she seemed to be doing better and she told me that I was really helping her calm down and making her feel happier and man did that feel great. So we go back to her house and she started showing me some of her music she listens to when she’s down. She also showed me her paper she wrote of two songs.
She’s a great writer and a freaking amazing drawer which I learned the first day at her house. There’s so much more to talk about with this girl, I mean I have never been able to talk to anyone like this and be able to open up about all my past. I mean we’ve had nights where we lose track of time and next thing we know its midnight or some crazy time and damn the hardest thing to do is saying goodbye to her even if I know I’ll see her the next day. Cause I’d definitely rather be around her and now I’m thinking about this little story I wrote and hell she already knows all this because we just talk about everything and I want to go on but my arm’s getting tired from writing and I want to show everyone but anyways I love all my coworkers even the ones I didn’t mention or write a lot about, and this is maybe a quarter of all the things left in my mind to write about. Guess that’s it for now.
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