I spent several years typing the details of the sexual crimes and habits of convicted sex offenders

I worked for a certified polygraph examiner who spent 30+ years working as a child abuse investigator for our city's police department, alongside his polygraph career.  His polygraph subjects were almost exclusively sex offenders on probation or parole who agreed to submit to polygraph exams as a condition of their parole/probation.  He conducted the exams, and I listened to them and typed up the official reports.  These were often very long interviews, with a couple dozen questions asked at the end - some control questions, some direct questions.  Then the examiner would discuss the results.

Each one would submit to an intial, "disclosure" exam.  This involved a comprehensive sexual history as well as a comprehensive, detailed account of the sex offense for which they had been convicted.  Subsequent "maintenance" exams would detail what had happened in their sexual life since their previous exam.  This would include any sexual contacts, what they thought about when they masturbated, and any deviant sexual behavior they engaged in (referred to as "the standard paraphilia" - to include bestiality, frottage, etc) among other things.  No stone left unturned.

The disclosure exams were the worst, because most of the offenses involved children.  Of those, most were committed by a trusted family member - father, uncle, family friend, etc.  It was absolutely heartbreaking to listen to a sex offender describe in vivid detail what he (it was all but one time a he - I only ever worked on one exam on a female sex offender) did to his victim.  I would wonder for weeks, months or years if that victim was getting the help they needed to overcome the certain feelings of guilt, confusion, etc, that result from being violated in that way.  Some of the offenders I actually knew - guys I went to high school with, customers of mine at the bank I worked at. 

Since the rules state no sexual content relating to minors, I will not divulge details about these sexual crimes - although I will tell you, they will haunt me until the day I die.

During the years that I worked with this polygraph business, I suffered horrible depression, anxiety, and nightmares.  Some interviews were so appallingly disturbing I had to stop halfway through and excuse myself, letting my boss know that he would have to take care of that particular report himself - I simply could not bring myself to listen to some of them.  These victims were children living in my modestly-sized community, and there were dozens of them.  The perpetrators of these crimes were out and about in society, and more often than not they reoffended.  Over the years, I'd see the same guys on a one- or two-year cycle, back in the system for another sexual crime.  It's a sickness, like addiction - which involves often inevitable relapses. 

As a result of this, I do not think I will ever have children.  I am a 30 year old woman, and having children is what women my age do.  I do have a maternal instinct and long for children, but I have seen a dark, hidden reality of our world and it is so horrifying and depressing to me that I cannot bring another human being into it, knowing there is a good chance they will become a victim (even if I do everything in my power to prevent it).  What I thought was "just a job" forever altered the course of my life, and my perspective on humanity - and not in a good way.  I don't trust anyone but my husband.  Not my brother, not my uncles, not my close friends.  Statistically, at least one of them has ruined the life of someone by committing a sexual offense against them.

It will haunt me for the rest of my life.  I was a never a direct victim of sexual abuse, but I carry the burden of dozens who were and my life will never be the same.

User Comments
Anon-1

I was raped as a child. It took me years to come forward, but it helps -- it really, helps -- knowing that there are other people out there who know what happened, who've spared a thought, who give a damn. Don't let this keep you down; believe it or not, just by hearing this, you've done a good turn for people. I appreciate anyone whose job is involved in getting these types of offenders the help they need... or at least putting them where they can't do what they did to others again.

Anon-2

I never really stopped and thought about all of the people who must be involved in dealing with these predators. It just makes the crimes seem all the more monstrous now. Thank you for doing your part to help.

That sounds like a really rough job. I can't imagine doing that. Thank you for sharing this.