Anxiety is controlling my life.

I have spent my whole life thinking the way I thought was the normal way, and the only way. I have always been relatively attractive, with a good group of friends and no real traumatic events to recover from. I guess as I have got older I have gone into a lot more adult situations and having more experience under my belt as well as maturing have found that the way I think isn't the normal way or the right way at all. I spend every minute of my existence in total terror that I might be put in a situation that I find uncomfortable. I have subconsciously nurtured this irrational thinking for so many years that I now dont know any other way. It has got to a point now where I can't sit opposite someone for a meal. I can't have dinner with my in laws. I can't introduce myself to a stranger. I can't look people in the eye. I blush, I shake, my heart rate triples and all I can think is that I want to escape. Then when I've managed to brush off that situation, or deter the person speaking to me I find myself alone and frustrated. Frustrated because I am not shy. I had a million things to say back to them but they were lost in the haze of my panic. I am a good person. I am fair and opinionated and passionate and empathetic. I am intelligent!! But I spend my life forcing myself into a lonely corner because then I can't go red in front of people for no reason and have everyone think that I'm a freak who can't handle a conversation never-mind life. 

I'm not ignorant or self indulgent. I know that this is a disorder now and that it needs to change. I know I have past experiences that probably contributed to the way I am now but you can't go back and change things. I have spent hours researching and trying out self help methods. I watch you tube videos on coping mechanisms, meditation and mindfulness. I saw my doctor and was referred for Cbt therapy. I do all of this and it doesn't get better. If anything it gets worse. I want to get on with my life. I want to stop spending so much time alone. I want my career to take off. I want to be myself instead of this strange anxious stranger who rules my body and mind!!! At this point I can't help but feel helpless. Do people ever fully cure themsleves of anxiety disorders? Or is this something I will have to manage forever? Because that thought is too much to bear. 

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