I need help quitting.. I'm new here.

Just abit of background.

I've been smoking weed almost daily since I was about 15 years old and I'm now coming up 22. Within this periods of time I've had extended clean periods but also extended use periods and I wouldn't have called myself an addict until January this year but I have been smoking it 6 or so years. At first I loved it and it was very fun but over time the fun wore off, when I was younger I sold drugs for people to get free weed, I used to be an A level student but dropped out of school alot due to being excessively bullied and then fell in with the wrong crowd I guess.

I have done alot of soul searching recently and cut out people that are bad influences, I've changed my outlook towards people in general and I really care about my actions and how they affect those around me now. I want to be a respectable adult that gets a career, house, car and family one day and I want to change for my future, and my families happiness. Before I was not the greatest of people but this new me needs rid of an old habbit.

In January I went through a few traumatic events to me, that involved an ex beating me up while on was on holiday and confessing her love to someone else, I was pretty busted up and distraught for many months, I still am to be fair,[this was an abusive relationship something I now realize] it happened while I was in Paris(of all places) and since then I have smoked weed everyday bar a week or so when I tried to quit, spending 1000's of pounds, losing friends, my parents have expressed concern, my drive for life has taken a hit, I don't go into college when I should. All the warning points of an addict, I tick. I have no fun when I smoke weed, I use it to escape I think. I may also add that I do have chronic bowel problems and hearing problems, so in a way weed helped ease my unease with these issues but I have to look else where as it's too much of an evil in my life to justify with that excuse now.

I have developed anxiety and depression, I'm not sure if I'm in the early stages of a psychotic disease as I'm almost always derealized/ personalised but this has been happening for years to me now and I will worry about this after I get clean from drugs.

I always talk myself into saying weed isn't that bad etc but deep down I feel guilt and I know what I'm doing to myself. I have a fucking problem and I need to address it.

I won't see a councillor or physiologist just yet, that's not me, I still believe I can do this myself, probably a big downfall of mine is not asking for help but people of this forum, I need help. If it can start with a few of you telling me how you started a road to recovery, that'd be splendid.

I have never opened up about this like this before but I guess I'm ready now.

Thanks for your time guys and gals.

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