Straight up lonely

I don't know where to start, it's way past 2am here in Brazil and I have to be at class early in the morning. I can't sleep because all I can think it's that tomorrow will be another day of pure loneliness. 

I'm 20 years old and still trying to figure out why I can't be like other people on theirs 18-25 years. I don't have any real life friends, I NEVER go out or date. I literally have no fucking ideia of how to talk to another human being and that kind of kills me.

I see girls looking and smiling at me and guess what? I don't do shit, well actually I do, I usually torture myself thinking why in the fuck didn't you talk to her.

If anyone it's reading this, it took me more than 1 hour to write down a bunch of words that doesn't say anything about me or tell my history.

I just wish there was a magic formula to fix me or make my life more enjoyable. I feel so tired of having so little taste of what happy is. To be honest the only taste of happiness I've encountered in the past months or maybe years, it's when I get home and see my dog happy just because I'm back from school.

PS: probably I will get to bed super excited thinking someone will respond or sympathize to me and instead nobody will, making me a little more miserable but that's fine. Sadly, I'm getting used to being miserable.


User Comments

Hey I read your story. If you are going to torture yourself about not talking to the girls, why not talk to them and then you have taken action? I find its about taking small steps and focusing on the positive of the efforts you have made and not dwelling on those you haven't made. It made it easier for me.