The anxiety of change

Going home after a period with my family back to our life down south, causes me sadness normally but you see  I have just under gone a massive life change, that doctors said would never happen, I had a baby. Outside of pregnancy I suffered  anxiety, but during the  pregnancy this dark cloud settled and I wondered if I was going be able to  settle at home  ever again

the nights were the worst not only could I not sleep  I was having panic attacks that made me feel as if I could not breath so I would open my window and look out, when I felt better I would find things to do. I felt so alone and the darkness seemed to last eternally. The worst were the nights I felt like the four walls that surrounded me , were closing in on me. On the morning after these nights  I had to go for a walk at the earliest possible opportunity. The feeling of having nowhere to turn made it worst. 

My poor husband was cold because if I became to hot I my anxiety started. I once could only sleep in darkness but now I had to be surrounded by light from dusk to dawn.


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