i overthink things

i overthink things. i think im scared of what is deep in my head. what will i find if i explore what is deep in my thoughts. what if its hope. what if its anger. what if its nothing at all. what if this is how i am meant to be. is this the bane of my existence. doomed to live the rest of my life as the shell of my former self. speaking of my former self, i wasnt always like this. i remember a time.... wait... no i dont..... i just know that it wasnt always like this. maybe its still inside me somewhere but what will i find traveling in that deep dark tunnel trying to search for the light. what if i get lost. what if i do find the light. what if its not what i expected. do i plunge into the deep unknown depths of my mind or do i find solitude in the now. ive been like this so long that this is the normal. what if this is normal now. what if i find the light inside and i have to start all over again. what if im in the light already and this is as good as it gets. what if its just more questions. what if its all the answers. who am i. why am i here. why am i the way i am. what caused me to become this way. is this thing even on?

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