I mistakenly let myself be vulnerable.

I don't know much about relationships despite being in my mid-20s and I just got out of my second one.  I had thought everything was going well, there were only a few disagreements but we managed to talk it over and settle things between us.  When I was suddenly dumped out of the blue, it took me a while to get over it, but I found myself in a good place.  My eating habits and appetite still hadn't bounced back to how they were before the breakup but I was positive and enjoying time spent with friends.  I found out a little later that my ex had broken up with me so he could date another girl: someone that he had introduced to me as a friend, and apparently he had feelings for her while we were dating.  We have been No Contact since the breakup but we had expressed an interest in staying friends, and now I realize that no matter what good times I may have had with him, I have no room in my life for someone who can lie, manipulate, and use me like he did.  

I really did give that relationship my all.  I let myself my vulnerable with him and let him know who I really was as a person.  To think that someone could claim to care about me but actually be lying to me the entire time initially made me feel sick but now I just feel used.  It's like he stripped away all the good and working parts of me, and once he was done and the girl he actually wanted was available and wanted him too, he just tossed me aside easily.  It's like I'm going through the process of getting over a breakup all over again.  He knew I was looking for a serious relationship, how could he and how dare he lie to my face the entire time and not have the decency to tell me the truth when he ended things.  It would have hurt, no one wants to hear that their SO has feelings for someone else, but I would have gotten over it rather than learn the truth this way.  It's like he had no respect for me as a human being to be honest with me.

I'm still getting over it and it's harder now that I know the real reason.  I had short periods of anger, resentment, and aching hurt but I still feel like I haven't given myself the time to fully process and feel these emotions.  Probably because right when I got over him I learned the real reason for our split and it's like two breakups back to back with the same person.  I want to let all my emotions out so I can move on with the healing process, I'm just so emotionally exhausted and burnt out from getting over him the first time I have no capacity to feel betrayal in its entirety.  I'm just so tired of this entire situation, it's like there's nothing left in me to care about it.

User Comments
Anon-1

I feel for you, there is nothing worse than allowing yourself to open up to someone and have them exploit your vulnerability with their behaviour. Its a cliche but time really does heal and allow perspective, you just have to make it through. 

I always find exercise really helps with frustration and anger, you can let it all out and then be free of it when you finish, might be worth giving that a go to express all the hurt and get a release from it.

I hope you manage to feel better soon.