Don't know what to do anymore...

On someone's recommendation I am giving this a shot to see if it will help. I've battled depression before but it doesn't make it any easier of a task.

About six months ago I graduated school and moved in with my girlfriend while I looked for a career. I was working but at a low paying job with terrible hours. With that I struggled financially, living paycheck to paycheck but it was all worth it because I had her there to support me emotionally and because I knew she was something incredibly special and the person who was made for me. Due to the fact that I had no safety net I made the financial decision to move back home to my parents house at the start of the new year so I could save up some money and continue hunting for a career. 2 weeks before moving home she broke up with me so we could focus on our own lives. I was devastated and felt alone. I lived by myself for those last 2 weeks completely isolated with nobody to talk to or keep me busy due to my work schedule. After those 2 weeks of hell I moved home to find my situation wasn't much better. Yes I did have a place to stay and I'm grateful for that, but I feel out of place even at home. I have no space that is mine. My room was no longer mine and my bed is a foldable mattress that hides in the closet when I don't sleep. All of my possessions are being stored and my only space inside the house is 4 little cubbies inside my little sisters closet. I feel so out of place in my own home. On top of that most of my friends are either back at school, or moved on with their lives so I have nobody here to see or interact with. I go to work and then come home to sit in loneliness.

I feel so alone. Not only do I have no friends here, but the girl I know was made for me and is meant to be with me doesn't want it right now. My self esteem and self worth are practically nonexistent. I feel like nobody is going to want to be with a guy like me in friendship or in relationships because of who I am as a person. I feel like a failure because I wasn't able to support myself after I graduated and moved home, and because I can't even find the motivation to look for a new job because my heart tells me I am going to be miserable anyway, so I shouldn't bother. I barely sleep anymore, and when I do its only for a couple hours before I wake and feel the darkness again. I barely eat and when I do I have no apetite. Everything I used to enjoy now feels like a chore to pass the time. I just don't know what to do anymore... my heart hurts and feels like a part of it is missing and nothing can fill it. I feel tired and miss how it feels to be happy and enjoy life. 

I just don't know where to go or what to do anymore. I know what I should be doing but I can't even find a shred of motivation to even push me in the right direction and get started putting my life back together again.

User Comments

Hey Im sorry you have had to deal with this. At my lowest point I felt like you, I know how it can be when nothing seems to work and nothing seems worth doing. What helped me was having a plan, if you have a plan for sorting out your job and then small steps towards moving out it helps your mind think more positively and can remove the constant negative thoughts from your mind as you are making progress. Hope you can get through this ok.