I fear depression.

I spent most of my adult life struggling with depression. By constantly working on myself, my thoughts and my attitude I managed to wrench myself from its grips and become a fully functioning person again. Those around me are so proud of how far I have come and yet I remain terrified inside that I will slip back into the depression and let it consume me.

I worked so fucking hard to get into a place where I am happy and comfortable with myself that I am terrified that it will come back and ruin it all for me. Depression is something that never leaves you, you just learn how to manage it, or it was in my case. I can feel it pulling me down sometimes and it almost gets me. I'm so scared that one day I won't be strong enough to hold it off and just sink back down to where I was. I'm sure other people feel this way too. I've been looking at all the stories on here and they resonate with me so hard from when I was at my lowest. I understand how these people feel and wish I could help them more.

The next thing I have to do is get over the fear and stop being so paralysed by terror of something that hasn't even happened but depression is a thing that can creep up on you, be all encompassing and destroy your sense of self. That is why I fear it so much, so far I am winning and I hope to keep on winning but until I learn to get over the fear I will be letting depression keep a small hold on me.

User Comments
Anon-1

This is exactly how i feel! I recently came out of my 'hole' that i'd been in since september, so about 6 months and it was horrible. I look back and honsetly do not know  how i got through it. But now i am feeling better i constantly worry i am going to slip back into the hole again. Like you said its scry becuse you never actually know when or if its going to hit you next. So glad i am not alone in feeling like this. One thing i try to think about to reassue myself is that if we've got out of it once then we can do it again if we slip back down, like thats reassuring to me.