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I know what has to be done. I know what I have to do. In spite the pain my close and dear will suffer, I’m not strong enough to endure. I’m weak and I know it. I can’t even say hello to girl without trembling. And although I sometimes manage to put on an act, it doesn’t last for long. Drunk I am who I wanna be. High I feel how I wanna feel. And sober I just want to jump.
But why? What evolutionary purpose have created a miserably specimen like me? What impact would me jumping have of a on the world? Sure people close to me would be sad. But after the mourning has past, their lives would be easier. Without worrying or taking care of me.
Apart from jumping. What roads can I take? Pretend to be happy? By some miracle find a girl and make her miserable as well?
But I’m I so special? Can it be that the whole of society feel like me to some degree, but are just better actors, or are better at creating lies so they can go on? Is that the reason for the disease of religion?
I have heard many times that the world can live in harmony, from John Lennon to the Dalai Lama. Fuck that! As I have interpreted the human race, we are just egoistic haters that only care about ourselves and the people close to us. Hate drives us all. If you’re a racist you hate a certain people. If you’re not, well, then you hate racists. Lets take an example: pedophiles, hated by everyone. Don’t they deserve pity? They are born with a sexual orientation they can’t help or fight. I must suppose they live with constant shame and sexual frustration. But we won’t give them any sympathy or help. Only hate and ostracism.
This text didn’t turn in to what I had planned but whatever.
So I had a bit of a rough childhood. My mum and my dad were both physically and vertally / mentally abusive and as my sister got older, she also became abusive towards me.
My dad would beat me, lock me in rooms for days, scrub me raw in the shower, scream at me, lock me out of the house on the streets at night before I had even started school. He left when I was younger.
My mum would try to...
So this guy is not actually my boyfriend but we are pretty much dating so I didn't know what else to call him. I am 16 years old and he is 18. He has a past that contains marijuana and a charge of rape, and by past I do not mean recent past I am talking like years ago. I have talked to him many times about his past and have questioned him like an interrogator and I can see the shame in his ey...