Depression

I have nothing to live for. On some days, I go over two weeks without leaving the house or showering. Absent parents. Friends I all pushed away. No kids. No job. 28 female. What's the point.

Mom has Borderline Personality Disorder and I haven't seen her in over six years. I stopped answering her calls three years ago. I stopped dating because I'm not the pretty white girl most guys want to be with, and the ones that do want me are just interested in sex. (I'm asexual so it's hard to find a good connection anyway). I don't fit into society easily because I don't eat meat or dairy. I don't drink or do drugs. I'm Asian American.

Foreign girl in a foreign world. As this city can't help that it is usually overcast, I also can't do anything about the storm clouds over my head. Some days, there is a little ray of sunshine that peeks through. Or if I get lucky, the sun will last a few short days. I'll shower, bake vegan cookies for myself, and start feeling hopeful about the future.

Then the thick clouds will roll in again and I'm back in the grey. The world is cruel and I don't want to go out there. 

 

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