It could be love

I know this isn't really that serious but it is a big deal for me.

I'm 29M, married, with a beautiful little girl. But I no longer love the mother of my child, through no fault of her own. The fault lies with me. I'm not happy in my marriage, really I'm miserable. I want to divorce and be selfish, but I'm worried about the affect that it will have on my little girl. But would it really be that much better for me to continue this charade? To keep putting on this mask every time I go home....

And then there is her, "C." We've worked together for about a little less than a year. She started where I work shortly after I began to seriously think about divorce. I was immediately smitten with her, and I couldn't help it. We have grown pretty close over the past year. We are always hanging around each other's desks, bouncing ideas off each other, teasing each other. We choose to work together as opposed to flying solo. The way she looks at me, I feel like she wants to say something but can't...

Because she's engaged.

Her fiancé is a great guy too, at least the few times I've talked to him. I can see why she likes him. He even refers to me as C's "work husband" jokingly. Even though I barely know him, I don't want to be the type of person that would cause trouble I their relationship. I don't want to be "that guy." My decision to end my marriage is mine to make, but I can't have any influence on C and her relationship, or at least I don't want to allow myself to.

But then again, I do. I want to be selfish for once. I want to ask her if she is feeling the sane way that I am. I can see it in her eyes. I can hear it I the way she says my first name (in my profession we go by last names usually) when we're alone. I know she's thinking something when I constantly catch her looking at me when we're in the office. I want to gra her and kiss her every time she stands at my desk talking....

Our job is a dangerous one. Every day there is the possibility that we could get killed, simply for doing our job. We've been in some tense situations since we've worked together. I guess it's only natural that I have developed such strong feelings for her. I'm not so naive that I think it's real love. It's probably just infatuation. But what if it is love?

And yet, my wife deserves better. I deserve to be miserable. I hate myself for feeling like this.

But I've (kinda) quit smoking, so there's a plus.

User Comments
Anon-1

Unless this is a situation that is worth disrupting your relationship for and causing a lot of pain I would not go there.  I have been there and the pain and suffering caused by your actions can be immense so you have to be sure.  Just my advice but tread carefully