Feeling jealous of friends...once again.

My jealousy with my partner(s) has always been one thing but with my friends it's a whole other story. It's something that I feel I've had to work even harder at to hide because after all, they're "my girls", my confidants and supporters. The ones who were there for me when I was crying because of my husbands flirting, etc. They're my friends so they're usually not doing things out of spite and there are no screaming matches or nasty name calling flying about...so I always find this deeper shame when Im feeling jealousy toward them or their lives. But I suppose it's a bit normal.

Anyways the story is, when I first became a mom I found other mom friends and there were a couple in particular that I consider (and still consider) my besties.
Well years later we all live separate lives in different cities/states but we all keep in touch. They both went through divorces and all kinds of life changes that stemmed from that. They both work and both found their way to being promoted to Office Managers at their separate jobs, one just happened recently the other had been in that position for awhile. Now don't get me wrong....I am elated for them and their success. They are beautiful, wonderful people who have been through terrible times and they deserve nothing but happiness and fulfillment.

I like to think of myself as a "recovering jealous individual" lol because I don't think it runs my life like it used to. But after hearing about my friends recent promotion it just crept up on me like a silent stalker in the night. Did I ever envision myself as a successful business woman? I guess not really....so I don't even know why I'm feeling this way. I suppose it's just that I see it as their progression as human beings, that they've found a way to become more meaningful in the world. They are not just mothers but service-providers to their communities and money-providers to their families. Yes, I realize that my job as a stay-at-home-mom has plenty of meaning and that I should feel very thankful because I have an opportunity that many do not....and I do, I know I'm lucky. That's where the guilt sets in, one of the worst parts of jealousy, for me. Knowing that these ill thoughts I'm having toward those that I care about is extremely unfair.
I think the fact that I struggle being a mom and have needed so much help coping because of my depression issues etc, just makes me feel like a failure on so many levels. I can't even seem to do the job of a mother successfully let alone another job on top of that!

Well, thanks for listening to my pity party. Reading this back to myself really makes it all seem so ridiculous. I know I now need to focus on what I have right before me and the abundance in my own life.

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