Hurting badly from an ex

I used to date this guy who I fell in love with hard for a good year or so. I've never loved anyone the way I loved him. He was very special to me. At a point I think he got sick of me for some reason and ended up leaving me. Months passed and we started hooking up again and he would tell me shit like he would date me again someday and that he misses me. One weekend at a music festival we were hooking up and during that same weekend he started hitting it off with this random chick. After the festival he started completely ignoring me and when I kept asking why he basically told me to shut the fuck up and leave him alone... And before you know it he's dating this chick. I was broken for a while. Resorted to drugs and alcohol almost every single day, losing jobs, crying publicly, etc. I kept trying to give other guys chances since then but I end up fleeing because I'm still lost.

Fast forward to last weekend. We both have the same friends. I went down to the bars with them and we ended up hanging out in the same group all night. Later in the night we talked alone and ended up hooking up. I asked if he was still dating that girl and he said no so we hooked up more the entire rest of the weekend and he even stayed the night. I felt like I was flying and that it was a moment I was waiting for for a very long time. Of course after that all ended he tells me he's still dating her but was going to end it to her and that he would hit me up this week.

No, he did not hit me up. And in fact, he's out and about with his girlfriend right now and still seeing her.

I know it's my own god damn fault but I don't know how much more of this pain I can take. I'm laying here awake alone crying and I feel so lost and unloved and like something must be completely wrong with me. I'm seriously hanging by a thread at this point. My heart is shattered all over again. 

User Comments

I'm sorry you are so heartbroken. To be honest, his behaviour isn't really acceptable to me and in the long run you will be better off without him.  He isn't treating you with much respect and doesn't deserve to be putting you through the pain you are in.  I wouldn't contact him again, give your mind and heart a bit of a break to heal - I know its difficult but its time and separation that are the best cure x