Too frequently in my thoughts

I don't understand why you're running through my thoughts when everything is going right.

 

I'm with a gentleman who thinks I'm amazing; I'm so fond of him, and I have feelings for him I never had for you.

 

But I can't help but feel odd without that intense sadness or pain; I feel like what you had, was familiar and intense.

 

And while i care deeply for this person, I know that he won't understand my ugly side.  I feel like you and I both went into dark places in our life, and sometimes we'll fall back into them.

 

But, did the person I thought you were, even really exist? This "friend" that insulted and tore me down, yet constantly craved my attention?

 

I don't even know.  And so I run through the ritualistic rotes of checking where you've been, absentmindedly and not sure what I'm looking for, inbetween my 'real life'.

 

I wonder if you ever think about me. But I also don't, at the same time.

 

I wonder when I'll forget you.

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