Today Was a Good Day

I woke up in the full, crushing grip of a panic attack, and saw that it was already early afternoon. For a moment, I was terrified that I was late for work, until I remembered that I'd been working for myself for several months, and was doing alright. That helped to make the panic subside somewhat, if gradually, though I was left with the feeling that I needed to do something constructive. Fortunately, as a self-employed individual, I was able to sit down and get some work done; I worked on my website, and on some of my social media profiles. I have a lot to do by way of generating content, and syncing them up with each other. It'll help me to get my name out there and accumulate a little brand awareness. 

After that was done, I got a surprise phone call from my niece; she's three years old. A book I'd sent her, which I had enjoyed very much as a kid, had just arrived. She wanted to tell me that she was enjoying the pictures, and -- for her part -- my sister is apparently enthralled with the way it blends imaginative entertainment with a bit of an early educational boost. It was good to hear from them. 

I spent the evening eating dinner with my parents, and watching an John Wayne movie that I'd never seen before... a real classic, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. We spent some time discussing my business, and I got a couple of leads courtesy a friend of my mother's who is starting up her own business... and who knows a few other people who are doing likewise. Since my work focuses on digital content and marketing, I might be able to do something for them in terms of helping them advertise and draw traffic online. 

This might not seem like a big deal... this whole "ordeal" of a pleasant day. To be honest, I don't know. I've lived with depression and social anxiety for most of my life. I'm awkward, and lonely, and am constantly mistaken as a loner and an ass... someone who just doesn't care enough to be around other people, which isn't the case at all. The fact is, I'm anxious, nervous, and twitchy whenever I'm out in public. I can't sit at a table at a restaurant unless my back is to the wall; I need a booth. Public restrooms are a nightmare. Hanging out with friends works out if there aren't too many friends... and if nobody unfamiliar shows up. God forbid that I'm the third wheel to a friend and his or her date for the evening, which has happened more times than I'm happy admitting. 

I don't want to be alone. I need it. A day like today, though... where everything seemed to go alright, where I was able to get some constructive work done? It's like recharging the batteries. 

It's enough to leave me genuinely interested in what might happen tomorrow. As time goes on, days like this seem to be coming more and more frequently. I'm not sure what that means, but I hope that it continues. 

User Comments
Anon-1

Nice to read a story about things going well :)

Anon-2

I have social anxiety and PTSD. It's cool to read about a day just "going well" from start to finish. I haven't had one like that in a while, but I'm hopeful. I feel like I'm making progress, and it's nice to know that sooner or later this is going to happen.

Anon-3

It's always good to hear about somebody having a pleasant day :) Great movie, by the way!

Anon-4

Life is funny, even when it isn't. It throws weird, strange twists our way; amidst all the bad days, people sometimes lose sight of the good ones. It's nice to see that somebody, at least, has not. 

I'm gonna watch that movie now, never seen it myself, but I note that it's on Netflix!