My Day, and some extra thoughts

I check my alarm, and it is eight o'clock. The first lesson of the day begins at eight thirty. Hmm. Oh well. Who gives a shit, honestly. I'm already falling behind on every subject. Get up. Have a massive breakfast because I like to comfort eat. I'm talking about 3000 plus calories a day, easily. I leave home. Get to school late. Feel like talking to somebody, then I remember that I don't have any actual friends. Feel bad for myself. Decide to ditch school. Go get some fast food. Realise that I'm spending money I could be putting into my bank account. Plus, I've already been cut down on my shifts at the fast food place, because I'm slow and a bit too quiet for comfort. I go home. Lose myself in the internet, in the news, Reddit, and I'll even read a book if that gets boring. I like reading. And writing. I'll probably go into journalism in uni. That is, if I fucking finish school at all. I'm in the twelfth grade next year, and I honestly just don't know if I can do it. Actually, no, you know what? I'm not a dumbass. I mean, I'm not a genius either, and I sometimes do stupid shit, but at least I'm a good writer. And next year I'll only be doing four subjects, all social science subjects as well, so that should be good. No more bloody science and maths. Just screw that. I'm going to fucking do it, and I'm going to get a final score while I'm at it. I will. If I can just beat this stupid anxiety and depression. Fuck. Anyway, so then my mum will get home, go off at me, call me a disappointment, etc. Fuck her.  No wonder dad left her. She's not a bad person, but I would've killed myself before marrying her. Fuck dad as well. I broke down in front of him, told him I was feeling paranoid and anxious as fuck, told him to organise a psych appointment. Three months later here I am. I've seen alot of psychs, and they've given me the usual crap. 'Learn to love yourself, just relax, INSERT 100 DOLLARS WORTH OF BS HERE...' Fuck, you know what? I don't even know. I just feel bloody broken. That is all.

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