Falling and Failing

So, this weekend has not been a great one. 

It was my birthday on Saturday. Maybe about 8 people wished me a happy birthday including family. Somebody has said that I have told them I have slept with a co-worker when I haven't, and then my boss told me I need to go to councing maybe.

She said that she "can see your mood swings from being energetic and happy and getting loads of work done, to nothing, barley scraping by" and that "I looked thin" and "if I was eating ok" I eat fine and I do look thin in the face, I always have done + I do a lot of walking so that doesnt help, I get it from my mum all the time.

I don't know if I am depressed, or if I just worrie about things too much. 

All I know is, that riding my Motobike is the one thing that makes me smile any more, not even my little sister can, not really. I don't want to be depressed. I just have this steriotype in my mind that its all just people that just have runs of bad luck in there life and there just sad about it, but the more I think about it, the more I realise that that person I never wanted to become is me, and that I can't see any way out of it, no matter how hard anyone trys. I'm too stuborn about it all and I can't take people that try to help me advice like I do the voices in my head telling me that I'm fine and just having a run of back luck in life.

 

I'm going to go see my doctor tomorrow, I don't even know how I am going to start talking about it, I'll probably just think shes going to go around and tell everyone, and everyone will look at me differently.

 

I'm fine when i'm at work or out and about, it's when I'm home when things start to creep up on me all over again.

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