I was in a state of depression

we're young kids- she was 19, i was 22.

we had a crush but never talked- we were work colleagues. my friend said a little birdie wanted to tell me that she was single, and liked me- i gave him my number to give to her.

we hit off like magic that night. i felt love the night we spoke.

we went on a pizza, movie, and a bookstore date. We never felt so in love.

i took her home, and wanted to kiss her. i couldnt-

we saved it for the next date. we moved in and felt magic. we couldnt stop.

we found a parking space and made out for the next two hours, to the point where sweat filmed on the windows on a warm fall night...

days and dates later we were banging in the back of my truck. every night from 8pm-3am some nights.

i was reluctant to jump into a relationship when she asked- i told myself i wouldnt date another girl under 21, and wouldnt date a girl with tattoos- she had both, but i didnt care- i was in love with her.

she had a panic attack mid sex one evening and confessed her situation as a teenager, being admitted into a psych ward for attempted suicide, and self inflicted wounds... my feelings only developed more for her, because i was her emotional crutch, yet, she was everything to me.

i was single for two years, and unfucked for that time before i met her. she took my breath away every day i saw her. even at work i couldnt stay focused when she was around, or heard her talking with people.

later down the road, we were getting more close, and we shared our feelings... she wanted me to abuse her. i couldnt do it. its not me, nor could i get off on raping my girlfriend that i loved, because it would have made her happy. this lead to major emotional bottlenecking

she ended up getting promoted, and i was dealing with massive amounts of nonsense from my managers who constantly praised me for my hard work, yet screwed me over so badly that I up and left work before my next shift.

she never let it go that i quit. this was the downfall of our relationship. she was constantly angry at me, despite me doing everything i could to make her happy, but she couldnt even look me in the eyes anymore. i was unemployed and taking her home 4 times a week, despite her feelings for me. i just bought my first car that ive been working on, paying for my gas, but never received thanks for it. I was criticized heavily for every little thing, the shirts i wore, the decisions ive made for my own happiness, to the food choices i made (we are both vegan, mind you).

after a month, we couldnt get along, and only were there for each other physically, and intimately. i was being used too- i know i was. we only wanted each other around because of the bliss and way we felt being in each others arms.

i was going to take her home one last time and finalize our breakup, but i couldnt do so- i had to wait 3 more days, so i texted her, and said "we should have a talk"- she said "would it be better to do this in person"- i replied, that if we shared the same feelings, it wouldnt matter if it were in person or not. i said that we werent getting along and that things were changing, and basically broke up. she agreed that it was a good decision and we left with no arguments or hard feelings....

i get a text two days later from her at work saying if that if we wanted to talk in person for the last time, it was the chance to do so... we did... we talked and i drove her home. i was breaking down at this point. i was getting very anxious, quiet, depressed and i was regretting the decision i made to break up with her, because despite of the breakup, i still love her.

we got outside of her house and it was becoming the time where this was the last time we'd see each other.

she asked if i had any last things to say, and i said "im so sorry i failed her as a boyfriend and that im going to miss you so much"- by this time i couldnt hold back trickling tears, and i was sniffling and had two streams going down my face.

she asked if i wanted one last hug, and the moment i got to her shoulder i just couldnt stop crying. she began crying a little too i said i wish i didnt have to let go and that im going to miss her so much

after two minutes she let go, and said "goodbye " i went to my oldfriends that night and got stoned.

ive been texting her that i didnt want to do it, but only wanted to make her happy by giving her time to focus on her life-

her replies have been "please just let me go, and we should stop communicating"

thats all i have to share. thank you for allowing me to post.

User Comments
Anon-1

Heartbreak is tough, but it does get better.  Sounds corny but time does heal.  If she has decided to move on you have to respect that and move on yourself. 

Anon-1

Respect her and what she is telling you.  Its hard but you can do it.