My nightmare.

I can't get that night out of my head...the screams of my mother begging for help. My fathers body lying there lifeless. Suddenly taken away from us. I go to sleep most nights rethinking everything that happened that night. 

A week before the incident my father was complaining of a pain in his stomach but it felt like heart burn...very bad heart burn. But he didn't think anything of it. He suffered a few days with it before going to the hospital. His vitals were perfect. That night told a different story though. He became weak and sore. I couldn't hug him without hurting him in some way. I kept shivering even though I wasn't cold. My mother said that it was because I was nervous or something. As if I knew something was wrong. 

I looked after him like I always had. He had become disabled after an accident at work and it left him incapable of looking after himself properly. He could still walk etc. but not for long. 

I helped him up the stairs and into bed. "Goodnight. I love you" were the last words I said to him.

In the early hours of the next morning I heard my mother's screaming my name to come and help. My father was just lying on his bed. Still.. I immediately started CPR and we phoned for an ambulance. 

"1.2.3.4" 

I counted with the paramedic on the phone as I compressed his chest. 

"1.2.3.4"

Why wasn't it working? 

"Is his chest moving up and down when giving mouth to mouth?"

"No"

The ambulance took what felt like a lifetime to get to us. 

Eventually we saw the flashing lights as they pulled up to the house. I didn't want to leave my Dads side. But I had to. 

My boyfriend was staying the night and even he tried all he could to help him. But nothing was working. 

My mother, my boyfriend and I left my father with the paramedics and we went downstairs. 

I could hear them working on him trying to bring him back but they were taking too long.

Then we heard them coming back downstairs. Their faces said it all.

"We're so sorry"

They hugged us and apologised but nothing they could say, or that anyone could say, would change the fact that my father had just died. 

It felt like a bad dream and all I wanted to do was wake up. But no matter what I did, I couldn't. 

 

 

Over a month and a half since his passing my mother was admitted to hospital as she couldn't deal with living without him and took to alcohol. She drank so much that she damaged her brain and shrank it. She still thought my father was still alive. She suffered from memory loss and sometimes forgot I was her daughter.

 

A year has passed and she is doing better. She has been out of care for nearly 3 months and has improved greatly.

I suffer from depression and anxiety and I am not looking forward to Christmas and New Year but I will have the support of my friends and family. 

 

If you have read this to the end I am grateful that you took the time to read my story. 

 

Thank you!

User Comments
Anon-1

I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this. I hope that you can find the strength you need to help you through this and your Christmas isn't too bad x