Gf leaving me, I f'd up bigtime.

When I was 15 years old I met a girl, who basically destroyed my self confidence in myself and sadly, I let her do it. Because of her mind games and constant drama, I failed high school and dropped out before finishing. Sure, I still did the best I could to make it work, for whatever reason. Her family left her here (she chose to stay) and went and lived overseas, so I had to move in with her and help her out.

Fast forward a few years and I'm 20 Years old, and she says she's pregnant. I wasn't thrilled, but the chance to do something that would make an impact in my life was exciting. We had a beautiful baby boy.

Fast forward another 3 years...I'm 23 years old. I work night shift from 10 pm til 6 am, 5 days a week, every morning I get home, take our son to daycare, go home for a few hours sleep, pick him up from daycare and wait for his mother to get home so I can try and clock a few more z's until I have to go back to work.

Sleep deprivation and generally being treated like shit 24/7 lead me to finding the best, most beautifulikely, caring and loving person on the planet. At the risk of losing my son, I leave my current soul crushing partner to pursue a life with this girl

She moves interstate to be with me. She leaves her friends and most of her family behind to be with me. From the last relationship, I still have inadequacy issues...especially about mything.

For whatever reason, and it's not relevant as to how it came up, my partner said she had once had a thinginside her that was so big it hurt.

This crushed me, but I did my best to ignore it, but couldn't get it out of my head.

We had a ball together. Everything we did and everywhere we went we made fire in the air. But...I was always still doubtful about my thing

I ended up on omegle...just asking people what they might think of it if I described it. Which then led to me being on kik...and sending photos of it to other girls

Perfect partner one day discovered my phone, and I haven't seen her since.

I've got cuts on my leg, been drinking heavily (pretty much a bottle of Jameson a day) started smoking again (almost a pack and a half of Marlboro reds a day) and am so far depressed I won't know if I'll recover

She, in my mind, is my son's stepmother. She won't see him grow up. He won't remember her. The wound will never heal.

I have tried everything to get her back. Flowers, a million I'm sorrys, it'll never happen again (because it won't) and nothing is getting me closer.

It's not like I really cheated on her. Technically I did, but it could have been alot worse. She says she never wants to see me again, and isn't willing to give me a chance.

I miss her. It's affecting my job, and my life. I am seeking guidance from a counselor, but without light at the end of the tunnel, it's hard to figure out why even bother. What else can I do?

User Comments
Anon-1

hey sorry this has been so hard for you, unrequited love is a really painful thing. Maybe work on yourself and then when you are in a better mental place things might be different?

Anon-2

I think that you messed up big time.

'It's not like I really cheated on her. Technically I did, but it could have been alot worse.' What if she had said that to you? It would have crushed you - it's a pretty terrible thing to hear.

Best thing I can see is to learn from your mistakes, and try and move on. Don't repeat the mishaps you've had before.