I don't fucking know

I'm currently sitting downstairs on my school iPad typing this out so I don't fall asleep. I'm going to keep typing so if I make any grammatical mistakes I'm sorry. But let me start out by saying idk wtf is going on with me right now, Im always confused. No I'm not gay, but I'm confused about the person I have feelings for because she told me she HAD feelings for me but I kinda messed up and now she is closer to my best friend. NO. They aren't anything I can assure you that. But I'm going to bring it back a bit and tell you where I fucked up. Over the past few months I started hanging out with her. (I've liked this girl for years) and it's actually a weird story on how we started hanging out but I'll save that for another time. ANYWAY. When we first started hanging out she told me she used to have a crush on me. I tell her I used to like her a lot too. BAM! First fuck up. I said USED. I ended the conversation shortly after that. I guess I should have realized she was I to me a few weeks ago but I didn't. But recently she started calling me and after one night, after we get off the phone, my best friend texts me and says that I'm an idiot and all. And how I should be slapped because I can't get a hint. I knew what he was talking about at that point. He told me to tell her how I felt so I did. 

but i wasn't completely honest.


the fact was I wasn't sure if I liked her or not, and I apologized that I didn't realize that she had feelings for me.




but I did. In the back of my head I knew she did that whole time. And I'm not entirely sure what to do. I found out something big today and I'm really not sure how I feel about it. No. It's not about me and her, it's about her past and it's kinda fucked up. But I'm just going to keep it to myself.


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