The weeks have been catastrophic. Major depression. Too traumatic and fresh in my mind for me to write out now. Never had such a high dose of cognitive dissonance clouding my mind. I've experienced the bliss of ignorance and now it's over. My love is fractured, my mind conflicted, and my heart is shallow and desperate. I'm afraid I'm running out of things to cling on to.

I can't believe I let myself be consumed like this. I hate what I am at this moment and I wish I had the will or ability or esteem to change it. I know exactly what this is all about. It's fucking bullshit and I don't even want to acknowledge it. I can't focus on anything right now and I feel sick as hell. I can't eat, can't sleep, my throat wants to reject even water. There's a reason for this and I'm painfully aware of it.

I used to be afraid of the things I'd admit to paper but now it's the things I keep inside that keep me up at night.

User Comments

Sounds to me like you need to see someone like a therapist about this. Have you tried that?