Jealousy. Can't get over my husband's past!

I struggle every day with the fact that my husband has slept with other girls. I have also slept with other guys, but for some reason, I just can't stop thinking about his ex girlfriends.

It's so bad, it's to the point that when we have sex, it's not special because he's done it before with other girls. I even picture it. And wonder if they were better. I want to constantly be reassured that he loves me the most and is the most attracted to me. In fact, I wish he could say he didn't even care about them or was never even attracted to them at all. Which, he has admitted before that they didn't mean anything to him, he just didn't want to be alone. But I think he may have just been trying to shut me up.

I even think about his silverware and don't want to use it because one of them probably used it!

Omg, this all sounds so ridiculous when I read this back. But this is real and very painful to go through. All I can think of to do about it is pray and keep my comments to myself regarding his previous relationships. But when I keep my feelings inside, tears start to form in my eyes. If someone else is going through this, how do you deal with it?

User Comments
Anon-1 I've had a similar experience with one of my exes. It was made worse by the fact that when we started dating, he would even brag about his past experiences! He also would point out attractive girls whenever we were out in public, especially if we were driving by. Thankfully he stopped after I told him that these things were not okay and only hurt me, but I always had in the back of my mind how he had all these other girls before me, whereas I had only ever been with one other guy before him, and we didn't even have PiV sex so he was actually my first. I understand the feeling of using "their" stuff. I used to think about how he has slept with other women in/on the blankets I slept in, how other girls wore his sweaters like I did, etc. What helped me was thinking about my own past. Think about the guys you've slept with. Do you compare your husband to them regularly? How often do you think about them? Do they mean anything to you? Do you think about how they may have used your stuff, and how your husband is using it now? What I came to realize that even though I still have things that are from my previous relationship, and I had similar sexual experiences with other people, I don't compare and barely even think about it at all. Hell, I still keep presents and whatnot from my past, but I hardly think about him at all. This is probably the same way that your husband feels. Sure, those things happened, but especially if what he says is true and they were meaningless, he probably never even thinks about it. It's a distant memory to him that only comes to mind when specifically brought up. As far as attraction, the same thing kind of applies. Yes, I was attracted to the other men in my past, but I don't find them attractive anymore, and just the fact that I was in love with my ex meant that I really only had eyes for him, I didn't even see anyone else in that way. So yeah, just think about how often you think about people from your past, and if you even compare them to your husband. It's likely that you don't, and probably don't find them that attractive anymore, especially if you're in love with your husband. I hope this helps somehow!