I just feel like a total failure. I am 26 years old and i feel i will never amount to anything.. i am just so fed up and i dont know what to do with myself anymore.. i cannot hope or wish anymore, i am feeling so drained. It all started when i was 14 years old, i had no contact with my real dad, all i knew was my mum.

My mum met someone who lived in Australia and then made the decision for her and i to move there, i on the otherhand did not want to leave my family and my friends behind, but that didnt stop her, she went and lived there for 2 years, then decided she did the wrong thing moving there so she was going there for a few months and then coming back for a few months whilst i was left to stay either at my god mothers or my sisters. 

When mum finally came back , i wasnt doing well at school, i also suffered numerdyslexia which did NOT make my life easy, i lost all confidence and attempted suicind so many times, in general i went through a lot  and i decided to quit school at 16 ( Where i am from you dont finish school until you are 18). I felt like the outcast of the family, both my sisters finished school with their GCE'S and amazing marks at school..and then theres me.

I was never lazy though, i started work at 16 and have never stopped. I then decided to start hairdressing school, in which i saved up enough money to take a Toni & Guys course, i finished in a year with top marks.. as soon i finished that i didnt want to do it anymore, i hated working with people. In general it is hard to get a respectable job with no qualifications.

When i turned 18 years old, a friend of mine knew that a vet surgery needed an assistant, now i have never had any experience working with animals, however i have always loved animals and ive always had an amazing connection with them. So i plucked up the courage and i went in and introdcued myself.. and i am still there 7 years later.

I also started a veterinary nurse course which was supposed to be 2 years, it has no been 3 years and i still have not finished it and im struggling. Past 3 years ive had to deal wih my step fathers death ( the man who raised me and took me as a child when my real father ran out on me) , heart break and seperation and 2 moves .. i am struggling.. even in my relationships.. i give my all and i get nothing in return but heartbreak. 

I have gad thoughts of suicide and then i hate myself for thinking it, i just wish i could love myself :( 

User Comments