The impact that people can have on our lives.

This is a story about how I met my first girlfriend, and how things turned out.

 

Me: A 20 year old guy.  Maybe a 5.5/10.  At 5'4", I'm quite a bit shorter than average.  Literally the only valuable thing I've got to my name is my car.  A 1965 Mustang Convertible, this piece is a head turner for most anyone.  

Her: A 21 year old French woman with dual citizenship.  Easily 8/10.  Same height.  She works as a model at some big name brand companies, who will remain nameless.  Aspires to be a nature photographer.  Identifies herself as "Asexual", and "Bisexual", but only asexual relates to story

 

More background info will be dispersed throughout the story, appearing as bold text, as it becomes relevant.

 

December 12, 2014:

I met a woman, whom I had no expectation of seeing ever again.  She was beautiful beyond compare.  I almost killed us in a car accident -- twice -- because I was too distracted by her to pay attention to the road.  

 

December 19, 2014:

I have, unbelievably, kept up contact with this woman.  She seems interested in me, which is quite unusual.  As a perfectly average looking guy at a below-average height, I had basically resigned myself to never having a girlfriend.  Her showing interest in me gave me a glimmer of hope that perhaps I could find a way to make us happy together.  

 

January 1, 2015:

I arranged a second meeting with her. Her name is Sierra.  There is 2 feet of snow on the ground, and ice covering all the roads.  I drive 600 miles from my hometown to the town that she is living in.  I planned on going to school up there starting on the 14th, and "visiting the school" was my thinly-veiled attempt to see her again.  I learn all about her life.  About her dreams, and hopes, and her work.  And about her sickness.  Terminal Leukemia.  8 months left.  

 

January 15, 2015:

We had a bit of a fallout over text on January 13.  My father was in town helping me move, and I couldn't get away to go see her.  She thought i was just blowing her off.   I've finally convinced her to meet up with me again, just so I can apologize and try to make ammends.  I pick her up, and we tour the campus for about an hour.  A friend told me about a car show going on that evening, and she seemed excited to go.  She requests that we take her truck instead.  Without going into too much detail, she put a lot of work into it.  I take her back to her house, and pick up her truck, and we start heading towards the show.  She is hyperventilating in the passenger seat, worried about me wrecking her truck.  We get there, and things go to shit.  My friend comes up and immediately starts insulting the truck.  I try to remain neutral, stating its redeeming qualities, and how it is more utilitarian than a simple car.  He starts going off on how his car is far superior, and Sierra gets mad too.  They cuss eachother out.  

Strike 1 for me.  

We leave shortly thereafter.  She is very upset, and won't even put her phone down to talk to me.  I ask what she is doing on her phone all the time, and she says "Texting other guys.  Can you go drop me off at another guy's house?".  I am quite upset by this notion.  She clearly knows I'm interested in her, yet she is intentionally flaunting her "openness" to my face.  I ask her, "Please don't be a whore".  

Strike 2.

I take her home, refusing to play into her game.  I head home, and don't text her for 2 days.

 

January 18, 2015:

She texts me, giving me a very slight apology for the way she was acting.  She says she does care about me, and wants to take things further.  I agree, but we do not proceed any further.  

 

January 20, 2015:  

I finally man up and ask her out.  She says yes.

 

January 25, 2015:

She moves to a different house in a different town 326 miles away, and tells me she is quitting Chemo.  She says she doesn't like feeling sick from the medicine all the time, and that it isn't doing much to help her anyways. 

 

Background info: 

By this point I had asked her why she hadn't put on facebook or social media anything about our relationship.  She said it was part of the modeling job.  She has to look perpetually single, to gain more fans

 

February 4, 2015:

She excitedly texts me that someone left her a $600 DSLR camera on her front porch.  I am perturbed.  People dont just give other people $600 cameras.  I push her for information, and she is very closed-off about it, adamant that it was an anonymous gift.  

 

Background info: 

She and I hadn't ever had sex at this point.  Her "asexuality" was the reasoning behind it.

 

And here, I am going to fast forward a bit.  Many things happened between then and now, but at this point I believe I have laid a solid foundation for the story.  I will also quit stating exact dates, it is troublesome to go look them up every time.  

 

Late May, 2015:

She said she had always wanted to go see , so I invited her to come stay with me for 11 days.  The whole time we are fighting.  It comes to a head late one Thursday evening, and we decide to go out for a drive and be completely open with eachother.  I, being a pathological liar, opened up and told her about the biggest lies I had told her.  They were big, but do not merit elaboration in this version of the story.  She opens up, and tells me she cheated on me.  6 times.  At this point we had been dating for almost exactly 4 months.  This comes out to nearly twice a month, and she expected me to just forgive her.  The point of mentioning the camera thing earlier is to clarify that I had my suspicions from the beginning.  It turns out she paid the guy a blowjob for the camera.  It hurts too much to elaborate on the other times, so please forgive me for leaving them out.  

I didn't know if I could forgive her.  But I tried.  

Her time in ends, and I drive the 4 hours each way to bring her back to her home.

 

Early June, 2015:

She has a major interview with , and she gets the job.  She asks me what I think about it, and I say I'm happy for her.  I want her to pursue her dreams.  She texts me the next day, saying she turned them down.

I ask, "Why?" and she says so she can be closer to me.  Next day I get a text saying she is moving back to , because she wants to be near me during the school year. She also asks me to find her an Oncologist in , because she will be moving there in December.  

I get the impression she is trying to mend our relationship, after she nearly tore it apart.  

 

June 9, 2015:

I am getting a little dirty in my texting, and she flips the fuck out.  She gives me an ultimatum: Stop thinking about me sexually or we are through.  

I refuse.  In our whole relationship, we have had sex a grand total of 1 time.  She'd cheated on me 6 times.  I'll be damned if I couldn't even think about her, after all the bullshit she'd fed me over the past months.  

I stop replying to her messages for 4 hours, letting her simmer over her thoughts.  

 

And this is where I will leave the story off for right now.  Things aren't going well, and I need to do some thinking.  

It is bizarre how someone that you've known for such a short time can take such violent control over your life.  I do still love her, but it seems like she is just trying to push me away.  I guess, all the happiness she has given me comes at a pretty high cost.  I made better grades this past semester than ever before, because I felt happy for once.  I was no longer lonely and sad and depressed like I was at my previous university.  But in the end, is it worth it?  I guess I'll find out sooner or later.

User Comments
Anon-1

I'm currently trying to extract myself from a toxic relationship with a woman who's strung me along for years. She's an intense, passionate person, and I've never been able to shake the feeling that there was always a good reason for what she did and why. Recently, a mutual friend approached me, and told me that she's been lying to me for a good four years now. I'm the furthest thing from her mind, 99% of the time. She tells other people that she desperately needs things like support, understanding, respect... 

I could go on and on. I won't, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. 

Whether or not this woman is worth the heartache and the pain she's put you through, I wish you the very best. Good luck. I'm thrilled, at least, for the silver lining in regard to your academic performance.

Anon-2

I feel like this is a toxic relationship; I don't know if she truly means to be the way that she is, but she's leeching off of you emotionally. I wish you the absolute best of luck.

Anon-3

I hope that she is able to come to her senses as to what she's doing to you. I have a friend in a situation which reminds me of this. As someone who cares about him, it's intensely painful to see him jerked around like that, but on some level I do believe that she honestly cares. Best of luck to you!