My Parents Decided to Pin a Label On Me..

This is short, frustrated, I'm just ranting here, but I needed to get this out there. My parents asked me to meet my childhood pediatrician for coffee a few years ago. I wasn't even a "child" at the time, I was 18, but she met with me at a Starbucks. It was an awkward experience, for the both of us. She seemed to feel like she wasn't quite sure that our being there was appropriate, but I only noticed in retrospect--I wasn't quite sure why I was going there or what to expect, but my mother played it up like it was some kind of professional business lunch, and I was a sheltered and naive young man (I guess I was a "child," but not in the literal sense). Anyway, I just found out not so long ago, via a third party, that the purpose of this meeting was actually to have me diagnosed with something on the autism spectrum, just so my mother could have a doctor sign off on it. I don't know if she did it for insurance, for money, or for medication, but I'm furious right now, and I can barely see straight. How dare she do this? WHY did she do this? I don't have autism! I look people in the eye, shake their hands--I'm a little shy, slightly awkward. That's it. It's nothing to hang a syndrome on. This has affected my ability to go to school, to find work, to form personal relationships, as apparently *I* was one of the few people around who wasn't aware of this from the start--apparently, it's easy to look up? I've no idea. I'm feeling like I'm in the Truman Show right now, like everybody's got a view on my life from some inaccessible, otherworldly location, and there I am doing unwitting product placement like a fucking idiot. 

I'm sorry for the language. I'm just really angry, right now. I feel small and helpless and stupid, like I did all the while that I grew up in her house.

User Comments

Wow. A public meeting with a pediatrician to contrive a label? No wonder you feel like you're in a fishbowl. I promise you, nobody is watching--or if they are, they're watching me too, since I've got no idea. So at best, you've been put in a shitty place, and at worst you've got good company there :D Not trying to make light of your situation, not at all... but try to smile. The world isn't as unkind a place as they've made it out to be for you.