My fault always

I never seem to do something right for very long, and doesn't feel like it is my fault all the time but it ends up being that way. I can't pick a shirt for her correctly, I don't help enough, I'm too lazy, I get asked to do a lot, and sometimes it's I wait a moment to finish quick something I was doing then go ahead to do what's asked, but it becomes that i never just do what I'm told to do. I get I don't jump up right away or instantly all the time to do things but I try. I will cook, clean, do dishes, laundry, fix stuff around the house, but the second I don't do something right away or get it done soon, and it makes her mad like at the drop, I'm an asshole and never do anything, I'm worthless and lazy, I'm the reason she hates herself, I... I'm the worse thing in her life, but I dare not defend myself or it only makes it worse, and no I don't get any apologies, I just grow to hate myself more and more, and at times feel oddly happy to the thought of killing myself.  Of course with this tend to think I can't do this and want to quit, but I pull myself together and take it to try again... 

It doesn't help loosing a really good job and everything either, just life sucks again right now

User Comments