Sick Of Being Outcasted ByMy Own Friends

Well. I just got through helping a friend make plans to hang out with some of our other friends without me. Kind of selfish of me, I know. But considering the fact that she knows I'm always left out when people get together it kind of bothers me. I'm tired of constantly having them say, "we should all hang out," only to have them go and hang out without even considering to ask me at all, but then ask me to help them with their plans. I am constantly being left out, pushed aside, and forgotten by people who are supposed to be my friends. I have had friends forget I'm even there in the middle of a conversation. They just cut me off and ignore me until I get angry and yell,then they say, "oh I forgot you were even here" or "oh yeah. I forgot you were there" or just the straight forward "I forgot about you." Seriously it's really just, it hurts. Especially now, because the friend I just helped knows all of this. She knows about how it always happens and how much it hurts, and she does it anyway. I don't think she's doing it on purpose, but, man. I can't help but feel hurt by it

Not only do I get excluded from hanging out. I apparently can't have emotions. Everyone in my group of friends can come to me to complain, rant, vent, or ask questions about stuff, and I have to answer or be nice. Because if I don't, they call me cold, say I'm mean, that I'm cold hearted. But god forbid I feel bad or have questions at all. As soon as I even act differently or say I'm not feeling good I get hit with a barrage of shut downs. They say, "you complain too much," "you're too weak," "you need to get over it," "suck it up." So then I stopped asking for help or saying I'm having an off day, just shut myself down. But then they call me cold again. They say I'm closed off

They can always have someone to talk and be there for them. But I'm left alone. If my anxiety or my depression is especially bad one day, I better not show it. Or else they'll avoid me. The friend I helped make plans just now, she knows what the anxiety and the depression feel like, she knows about all of this. But, she doesn't hell me either. If I bring it up with her, she sends me short one word messages, either "ah" or "okay"

It's gotten to a point that I'm so alone I, or my mind has created a fake, dream boyfriend just to make me happy. I need a figment of my imagination to be happy. But the moment is short lived. Because as soon as he's not there or I'm not daydreaming about him, I get even more depressed because I've also lost all hope of ever having a relationship because of a lot of stuff that happens and because of something else I don't want to get into right now.

And I can't even get a therapist. If I were to bring up the anxiety or the depression to my parents or family, they'll just tell me I need to calm down and get over it. Seriously, I'm getting very, very tired of it 

User Comments
Anon-1

To me it sounds like you need a different set of friends, all this won't be helping you and your anxiety.  If people aren't adding any benefit to your life then it might be time to remove yourself from that situation and focus upon getting better. Hope you feel stronger soon x