My life is a mess and I'm lost

Well, yeah, my life is a mess. Well, it is to me at least. I'm also pretty lost in as much as I have no idea how to fix it. I mean, I'm trying, though. I'm really trying to fix it, but I just keep running into dead ends. Then there's my past. It haunts me day in and day out. I can't get over it and put it behind me. I know that this is one of my biggest downfalls, but that's the way it is. I hate myself, my life and pretty much everything else.

I want to die, but I don't want to kill myself. Well, actually I either want my life to be okay or for me to be dead. I don't attempt anything though because of people who care about me. I really do wish I could find a way for my mind to stop torturing me. It wakes me up at 2 in the morning with thoughts of things I should have done or things I should be doing. It sucks. I really wish I were someone else. Someone better than I am. I feel like a weak person.

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