Borderline Love Control

I hate the unknown because I'm always worried that I'll be abandoned, so having control over a situation makes me feel great. I'm sure I'm not the only Borderline like this.

When I get a text, sometimes I like to wait hours before I reply. When it's over Facebook, I'll go out of my way to  ("favourite person", in case you aren't familiar with BPD terminology) make sure they know I saw it. I very rarely do this to my fp unless I'm upset (usually for some irrational reason), and when I do I can only stand it for around 20 minutes.

I'm also the DM for a D&D group, and if people piss me off I like knowing that I have the power to cancel on them whenever I want.

The only reason I ever feel bad is because I'm concerned that my fp will get mad and leave me.

I'm a manipulative asshole and I hate myself for it.

User Comments
Anon-1

Power is a disrupting thing, perhaps apporoach things with more empathy towards those you are dealing with.  It might change your perspective, it might not but thought it was worth suggesting.

Anon-2 Try the book Coping with BPD off Anazon. it has 2 page solutions toalmostcevery common bpd feeling. Hang in there! Also check out dialectical behavioral therapy online. BPD is treatable and changeable!