When do you stop being the "other" one and become the one? 

I have never actually thought about it aloud in this way but here goes...  so although I have never defined myself by my sexuality I guess I should start off by saying that I am bisexual for the purposes of this short story. Taking into consideration that not everyone makes assumptions when it comes to ones sexual orientation, it still frustrates me that many people just assume that because your bisexual.you are "greedy" or "up for anything". No I wouldn't like to entertain your boyfriend by taking part in a threesome with you, who likely enough may have been pressured into it for the purposes of "keeping your man satisfied". Again for the benefit of this story I will let you in on the little secret that I often find myself flicking through online dating sites in the hope to find a like minded individual for Netflix and chill. (Only joking! ;)) Anyway without sounding too full of myself, it never fails to surprise me just how many messages I get asking if I would be up for the absolute pleasure of joining "john" and "sally" ( I don't know why I chose to use those names either) in spicing up their steamy bedroom sessions. Why are people so presumptuous? It's not like I use overtly sexual photos of myself either. Is this often the case with others? And is this a stigma that will always be assosciated with bisexuality? The best way I can explain my sexuality, because I've often had to, is that no matter what their gender, or race, size etc for that matter, you find yourself attracted to the INDIVIDUAL. Although we may have certain physical traits or personality traits that we're attracted to, I feel personally that  It's more about seeing the individual things about someone and falling for that, aswell being able to appreciate that within more than one gender, if that makes any sense? Even though I feel very secure in myself and who I am, I guess the past relationships I've had, with the people I've been with weren't so secure and I never felt so sure of them. As tragic as im making this sound haha I'm probably being a tad pathetic. It's often been the case that I'm more inclined to fall for "like minded" people who may be attractive, but are in no way secure within their sexuality, meaning they are either not open about their sexuality, and have always covered it up with "playing it straight",and remain to.do so when with me, or have just never taken it seriously enough to see it fit to have a relationship with someone of the same sex. Even though there are so many people that don't behave like this I always seem to run into the " complicated relationship" and end up getting hurt, or worse, jaded by it and end up thinking that this is how a normal relationship should be; full of insecurities, lies, and alot of jealousy. My family and friends often remind me that I am only 21 and that there is plenty of time to meet someone who will be secure, enough to make me feel secure in a relationship. In saying that, although I do feel confident and comfortable enough to be by myself, having "fun" and doing what I want becomes a bore after a while, sometimes I think it would be more fun to share things and spend time with ONE other person. Aside from that, when it comes to.dating men, the idea of bisexuality sometimes  still seems to become a "thing", either a "yeah we could have threesomes, you would probably be up for that right?" Thing or a "why are you attracted to girls too? Why can't you just choose, are you straight or gay...why are you gay!?" It does make me laugh at times, and obviously I understand that not every guy, or girl has these views...I just seem to run into them. Anyway after all that I guess right now I just wonder is this the way it will always be when It comes to relationships and dating? Will I be taken seriously enough to become the one properly rather than the one on the side? Or is it just a case of I need to stop going for the same sort of people as before and start looking for something else? 

If you're reading this I hope I didn't bore you too much, and...thanks. 

User Comments

I'm a guy with bi-curious tendencies and a lot of... well, weird stuff under the hood. Because of this, people generally assume I'm up for anything. I've never had a date who was happy to just sit on the sofa and watch TV, go out to eat, maybe hit up a movie, play some mini golf, go to the beach, go rock climbing. I figured it'd be easier to be upfront about my quirks than not to be, but damn. I thought I was weird. It turns out that when "normal" people think you're "weird" they open up closets FULL of skeletons. 

Hang in there. Best of luck in finding somebody who will treat you like you're actually, y'know. Special.


People don't understand. Like you said, they think it means you're up for anything. They aren't thinking of your needs, but they're also not intentionally "not thinking" of your needs, you know? They just think "oh, she might like this" or whatever. I hope you're able to find someone soon, but hang in there in the meantime. You seem like a fun person (not because you're bi). 


You're not pathetic. You just want to be appreciated for who you are, like everybody else, and this quality which -- even if you're sure about it -- is such a controversial subject in our society is being shamelessly objectified by people who really ought to give you more respect than that.