Repeating the cycle of poverty.

It's upsetting. I grew up destitute, ate school breakfast, school lunch, and a cup of hamburger helper (no hamburger) my whole childhood. It was major event if we split a can of tuna among the kids. I wore hand me downs I received in sixth grade, and never replaced these clothes all through high school.

 

And now here I am, $7000 in medical and personal debt, $40 in my bank account until payday next week, my manager keeps telling me my clothes are barely standard and that I will need to get better ones soon, can hardly afford to put gas in my tank to get me to work. I eat a work-paid smoothie for breakfast, a work-paid lunch, and plain pasta or rice with pepper for dinner most nights... I've come to hate days off because I don't get to eat. My medical expenses get higher, my quality of life drops further, but I make just enough to not qualify for many services. I have to choose between gas for my car or medication to keep me from having a dangerous attack in the night that has almost resulted in my death once. If I throw in the towel and give up, my boyfriend will be ruined in the fallout, my credit will be shot even further, and there's no guarantee I'll get benefits anyways.

 

I felt so strong in highschool. I promised I'd get a good job, support myself, I would never live like how I was raised. I'd be in a good neighborhood and eat right. But here I am, failing health, failing finances, failing hope. I can't give up, but I don't have much strength anymore. I keep trying because the alternative is worse, but if I'm going to be eating crushed instant ramen as a luxury dish anyways, why keep trying?

 

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