It began new years eve

New Years a couple of years ago. I am tasked with picking up my best friends sister and bringing her to a bar. We had been friends for years and he always forbid me from talking to her. She is tall thin and beautiful. So it struck me as odd that he would give me her number and have me get her. I pulled up to her house and called her. She emerged from the dark entry way of the front door and got in my car. It was quiet between us for the first so I decided to initiate conversation. I was nervous and unsure of what to say to her so we just made small talk. Arriving soon after at the bar her brother and all of our friends were there at a table. I grabbed a couple drinks at the bar and sat next to her. Carrying on the normal conversation that friends have I noticed that she was just sitting there quitely by her self not really talking or adding to the conversation. So I decided to at least attempt to make her feel less uncomfortable. I initiated small talk, turns out we have alot in common. We continued to talk. At some point my knee accidently bumped hers and we both stopped mid conversation and just looked at eachother. There was something between us when we touched. Once the shock of that had worn off we carried on. She said that she wanted to be under the baloons when they dropped at midnight so I escorted her to the middle of the floor right when they dropeed I contemplated kissing her but decided that probably was not a good idea which prompted her giving me the most akward hug in hisory. Everyone decided to move to a different bar. So the group left and began our trek. She ended up walking next to me the entire way and falling over or pretending to because she was "drunk" and I kept catching her. After the second bar we went to a friends house and finished up the night. I dropped her and brother off at her house and went home. The next day I drove the both of them back to his car and he took her home. I thought to myself 

 "wow I think she likes me but she might be a little out of my league"

The following day i was at her brothers watching foot ball and my phone went off. I found myself staring a text from her which read:

"I had a very nice time talking with you the other night, thanks for keeping me company"

My response weas simple something along the lines of 

"Yeah that was really fun" 

This prompted a three day long text conversation which ended in me asking her if I could take her out. She said yes but i had one more hurtle to get over before I could finalize it. Her brother which is my best friend and as i have mentioned before wasn't thirlled about me talking to her. That night him and I went out with a few friends and I asked him if it was okay if I took her out. He looked at me for a sec and said "

"your both adults do what you want. I just don't wanna hear about it"

Happily I agreed to his terms and asked her out. She thought I was kidding at first and it took some convincing to assure her that I was genuine in my intentions. We went out to a nice bar nothing spetacular had a few drinks and I kissed her on the patio outside. In the dead of winter. That night things got heated but we did'nt do the deed yet. Here is where it gets a little interesting (in a good way) the sad part is coming soon enough. She has a daugheter Named Eva. who at the time was about 6 years old. Her mother whos name im not going to mention but if she even read a paragraph of this she would instantly know that I was talking about her. So we'll just call her V for story telling purposes. V has epilepsy and can't work because of her dependence on anti seizure medicne and lives with her mother. 
V and I went out again the next night to trivia with some friends and her brother. It was time go and we got in the car I told her 
"Look I don't want to pressure you, so i can either take you to your brothers take you home or take you to my house. Whatever your comfortable with. Just tell me where you you'd like to go and i'll take you there."
She thought about it for a second and said
"I'd like to go to your house"
Obviously I was very excited about this. About half way there at light I wanted to say a few things just to make sure we were on the same page and ensure that im not trying to pressure her into sleeping with me. I calmly explained that I understand that being a mom is her top priorty and I know that her daughter will always come before me. And if at anypoint during the car ride or time in my house if she felt at all uncomfortable to please tell me and I would either taker her home or call a cab if she didn't want to be in a car with me. V grabbed my hand and said.

"Your very sweet, but I definitley want to go home with you"

I smiled and continued driving. Upon arriving at my house the undeniable chemistry between us kicked in and we proceeded to have what I can only assume was the greatest sex ever had in the history of man kind. You know the kind that when you get cheated on and envision your ex having with there new lover which is probably not happening but in your head its insane. It was that kind of sexual chemistry. I wasn't aware that this could actually happen until that night. After that we both laied there sweaty and exhasusted from our naked romp. She turned to me and looked me in the eyes and said. Well before we continue I will refer to my self as G. 
She turned to me looked in the eyes and said something I will never forget 

"G, when iv'e been with other guys I wasn't that into it but when im with you I don't want it to stop"

She tried to get up but fell back down on the bed. This went on for a while and she decided It was a good idea that I met her daughet. I like kids but iv'e never had to be around them all that much. 
I agreed and nervously went to her house. I have some social anxiety problems which results in me causing some very akward moments especially when meeting family members for the first time. So i nervously stood in the door way. V said I'll be back in a sec and walked up stairs leaving me alone in the entry of the house. Eva emerged from the house and just started staring at me. She asked me 

"Who are you? Are a friend of my moms?" 

  "My name is G. You must be Eva. Is it ok if I borrow your mom for the night, I promise I'll bring her back"

After some deliberation and thought Eva agreed to let me borrow her mom. And true my word I brought V home the next day. This prompted me spending more and more time there. The result of which was me getting to know Eva and everyone else there. I would come over in the afternoons after work to help her with home work. Read her stories so on so forth and etc. The thought of parenting had never really crossed my mind before despite the fact everyone had always told me i'd be a good dad because im prety much just a big kid. Everyting was going swimmingly. I felt content I'll be it a bit scared of the whole dad thing. I consulted with a very good friend of mine Nick. Whom re-assured me that Im a good dad. Eva's father had passed away a few years before that. Before you begin to extend condolences in your mind know that he was an abusive junkie and is probably just better off dead. But that's not really the point. This continued on for a few months one day I woke up feeling a bit curious. So while she was sleeping I looked at her phone. I found an exchange between one of my best friends and V. I will refer to him as T. It said something along the lines of 

V: I feel like we have a real connection and I cant help but wonder what if

T: Look I appreciate the compliment but your my friends girl friend and i just dont think of you that way lets just keep this between us because if G finds out he's going to be hurt. 

Well it was a bit longer then that but you get the idea. I was Furious and began to recall a conversation me and T had a week ago when I was helping him move. Along the lines of are you sure she's what you want and so on. I was damn sure that's what I wanted. And He said 

"Ok dude as long as your happy"

After my phone discovery I called him to thank him for being cool and not taking her up on whatever it was she was trying to do. I conofronted her about it. And she swore up and down that it was innocent and she was just trying to make friends with the guy. We spent all day talking about it. I had to exercise restraint and not completly lose my cool. I was hurt, perhaps more hurt than I had ever been in my life. Which is saying something because I have been put through the ringer a couple times belive me. I interrogated her (not in a violent way) for hours and her story was the same. Her one saving grace. After great meditation and thought. I decided the best course of action was to just let it go and give her a get out of jail card if you will. Shortly after this incident I took a job out of state. I offered to take her and Eva with me and start a new life together. She agreed and off we went. At first everything seemed ok. But there were some major snags a few being that she cant work or and wasn't driving at this point and i was working 60 plus hours a week which left her alone at the house and bored. After a couple of weeks in the new state i flew her home. A month later her and Eva came to visit me. It was fun, I finally had found what I'd been looking for my entire life. But I was working alot and very stressed out and wasn't always the nicest person be around due to my very stressful occupation. She seemed to have lost alot of sexual interest in me which was the first sign that things were on the way out. I was having a hard time supporitng 2 other people and we began fighting about it. The problem with V is she has a very hard time conveying the way she feels so it just build up and the end result is well irrititating. I knew something was up so a few days before she was slated to leave I confronted her. She borke down and told me that she thought she might be gay and in love with her best friend. I knew it was a crock of shit but went along with it anyway. Some how during this we ended up having sex. Which pretty much defused that argument. But hey what ever that's neither here nor there. We ended things and she was worried that I was just going to kick her and her daughter out and that's why she was trying to wait till she had left. I assured her that wasn't going to happen and i just wanted her to be happy even without me. She cried and made me cry which happens 0 times ever im the not the crying type I am infact a very well at least first glance a very a typical tough guy. The next day I'd promised Eva we would all go mini golfing. I woke up and put something on facebook about our break up just for the emotional support it provides also I just really like facebook.
We all went mini golfing. V seemed off and I couldn't figure out why. She got upset and start to franticly tell me that she couldn't belive i put that on face book and maybe she changed her mind.
Like an idiot I belived her. I was so hopelessly in love with this girl that I hadn't looked at any woman since we started dating. The next day i took her to airport and we agreed to try the long distance thing. Well that didn't work out at all. We ended up breaking up a few days after she got home. I was destroyed I was lost angry and sad. So i destroyed everything she'd bought me and decorated our house with trying to suffocate her out of me.
This didn't work and we did the ex dance for a few weeks until she unfrinded me on facebook. In the midst of all this turmoil her best friend who will be refered to as M offered to help.
M couldn't seem to understand what had happened Because V was so happy. She tried to help me but it was to no avail. I decided to throw my self into my work as a distraction she was always on my mind no matter what. After about 6 months I had tried to move on with my life I was dating a new girl having fun and trying to make the best of a bad situation. Despite all of that my mind would wonder to her and Eva. I'd wonder how they were doing was she happy was she seeing someone new? Did she think about me? I swore to my self that I would cut her out of my life to try and get used to the fact I would never see her again. My work contract expired in april so I decided to move home. I said goodbye to all my friends that  I had made packed up the car and off I went. My reception at home was warm and fun like a soldier returning from the war. It was V's birthday and june so I decided to reach out and test the waters. Her response was so so. I should also mention that I live with her brother. I was messaging her on facebook one day and T burst into the room and told me I shouldn't be talking to her. No explination just stop. So I did. At this point I said Fuck it im gonna move on. Months went by I still thought about her constantly but had started to move on with my life. Mid October the roomate was throwing a huge house party I was mid conversation with a few friends and my phone went off in my pocket. Thinking it was just my brother messaging me pulled out my phone.
And what did I see was a message from V saying that she was thinking about me. My friend looked at my phone knowing the history of what had happened and exclaimed

"dont fucking say anything!"

I turned whtie as a ghost and excused my self. And began talking to her. This went on for a week and we agreed to meet up after almost two years apart. I was nervous anxious and excited. We met at a bar close to her house and started to catch up. We talked and talked like like nothing had ever gone wrong. She apologized for what she did and went on a quite long tangent about what we should have done instead. I also apologized for things that I had done. We talked until last call and parted ways. We continued to talk via text for a few days and I asked her if she wanted to get sushi with me. She responded

"i just saw you for the first time in a almost two years im not ready to just jump into things yet"

I understood and said I'll always be her friend. Shortly after that we had breakfast went shoppng and just had fun. A couple of weeks passed and we met up for a drink again. SHortly before this I had consuleted her friend M about what to do. Incase its not painfully clear at this point in the story I was and am still hopelessly in love with V. 
We met up at the same bar and talked for a while. Things grew quiet and she suggested that we talk about where things were going. I knew this was my chance to be honest with both her and myself. Put it all on the table. We drove to park in the middle of the night and sat in the car smoking. and talking. I told her that I still had feelings for her and was having a hard time being her friend. She said she needed time to figure things out because she still felt something for me. I told her 

"V, I understand you can take all the time in the world, but im not going to just wait around for you to make up your mind. By the time you do I might not be around anymore. That sounds harsh I know but i Just want to be honest with you"

Her response was to kiss me. We made out for a while car sex crossed my mind but i decided that we needed to take things slow. So I took her home. V kissed me in the drive way and stroked the side of my face and said 

"Remember G this dosen't define anything"

That was the last time I saw her. We have kind of talked since then but haven't really fully addressed the kiss. I can't help but second guess my decision. To even be around her. 
And thats the story so far..... Thanks for reading 





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