Abusive ex and scared relationships

TL;DR. Abusive ex mentally fucked me up and now I'm scared to get into another relationship with this girl that I like.

Hey. I'm having a lot of trouble at the moment. I can't make up my mind on wether I want to get back into another relationship or not. I was in a relationship last year with a girl (looking in hindsight I realised) who didn't love me. She was also a liar and a manipulator, making up stories and telling me how she had been raped, abused and bullied in the past. She also cut her wrists and tried to kill herself solely so she would receive more attention from me. Our relationship ended late last year due to me uncovering all of the lies she had told me.

Fast forward to today I am suffering from depression and am taking anti-depressants daily and am seeing a phycologist weekly.
About 3 weeks ago I met this girl through a mutual friend and we hit it off! We talk everyday. She is beautiful, athletic, nice and funny! A lot of things I'm not. I have made it known to her that I like her more than just being friends and she told me that "she didn't want to rush into things but maybe". I like her I'd I would like to get into a relationship with her but my mind is literally split into two with this. On one side is the part of me that want to be with her, and wants to ask her out. Because of the anti-depressants I am having more vivid dreams that I can remember when I wake up, and the last three nights I have dreamt about her. But then the other side of me is the abused-depressed-anxiety side which is terrified to death of getting into another relationship. Both of these sides are constantly popping in and out of my head so I can never make my mind up about it but I do tend to side with the asking her out side.
This is really hard for me to do so I just really need some good advice to give me a hand through the situation.

User Comments

Hey there! Sorry you're having a hard time.

For me, the first thing you need to do is get yourself sorted out.  Please read "no more Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.  It's a shame you had a rubbish relationship, but you have to accept that you got into that through your own choice and stayed through your own choice until it split.  Why?  What in you wanted that kind of girl?  I think taking responsibility for that and taking responsibility for your feelings will help you a lot.

The new girl.  Sounds cool, but also sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and her.  Chill. Enjoy getting to know her.  Ask her on a very laid back date, go for a coffee.  Don't project anything more than what the reality of your situation is, which is this new girl is new and you barely know each other.


In my experience if you are in two minds about something or have doubts then the moment isn't right for you to take that step. I'd leave having another relationship until you are in the correct state of mind to deal with it and enjoy it otherwise it might be detrimental.