I don't think I'm going to survive

So I've been battling Major Depression for years now, most of my life in fact, but things got worse when I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist & from taking mild stuff like prozac, I've ended up on Parnate. I can't tell if my depression is getting worse because I'm imagining it & I'm escalating it or the meds are messing me up or my illness is generally getting worse. To be honest whatever the answer is, I'm pretty tired of fighting this fight. Is this going to be the rest of my life? Being overly sensitive about everything. Failing to interact & socialise (I'm single, I've been single odds are given the way my life is I'll probably never find someone to love; between living in a country on the verge of civil war, being black, bring female then chuck in the social anxiety and depression it makes it likely I'm spending my life alone). Having to fight a constant battle to resist cutting myself (then feeling silly for battling with an issue that is usually a "teenage problem" & not something adults have a problem with). Basically I'm tired and alone. I have family and a few close friends but they are busy with their lives & I'm not sure I'm creating my own problems. Basically I'm tired and I honestly don't see much of a future for myself. I'm tired. I'm broken and probably won't be fixed (can't even imagine what it's like to be normal anymore). I may survive today but I suspect I will not survive tomorrow, the emptiness & pointlessness of everything is more than I can bear :( 

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