In It For The Long Haul

I was the weird kid. The quiet one that didn't fit in anywhere. I was bullied, almost had my arm broken from being shoved in a locker. Freak of nature, is what most kids called me because I took meds at 3yrs old. I was in therapy at 4yrs old. I'm 23yrs old now & not much has changed. I used to go to church but I'd end up drinking after the service. I always wanted to forget the whole hour wasted from them telling me gays will burn in hell. I crashed my bike on the way home from a church service, I was sober. I got 4 stitches on my elbow, and later that night I got drunk, and stood on the bridge near my apartment. Unfortunately I didn't see the police officer, He talked to me for a good 10min and had to help me off the bridge because I was so intoxicated. I made other attempts to kill myself after that. Cutting my wrist, overdosing, I even tried to hang myself in the psych ward. 

In 2013, that was the year I lost all sanity. I lost 4 family members, 1 dog, and my best friend was murdered all in about 6 months time. There was alot of guilt when my uncle passed away. I messaged him about 3 days before I was supposed to see him and we got into a verbal disagreement, I said things I'm not proud of, and he died before I had the chance to apologize. I felt my world crash, and I still can't talk about him without tears pouring down my cheeks. 

I often think about the times I was bullied. I was dragged down a hallway by my hair. I was beaten up by this girl who believed a false rumor. I was picked on because I was the skinny white girl. Shoved, kicked, punched, spit on, name it. There was a group of girls when I was a freshman who created a circle around me and they all took turns punching me, pulling my hair, kicking me, and shoving me. They broke my braces. The wire from my braces went straight through my upper lip. They broke my glasses.

I couldn't tell anyone because I knew it would make things worse. I allowed them to beat me. But I never let them see me cry. I let them see me bleed, but I never cried in front of them. I kept all my anger and frustration bottled up inside, I didn't know what to do with my emotions so I buried them. 


I'm proud of how far I've come. 

Now I'm going to college to become a 911 dispatcher. And also going for my associates degree for Criminal Justice. Who knew? I've come a long way in life and I still have a long way to go. 

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