I took my love and I took it down.

I'm sitting here crying my eyes out listening to Landslide, covered by the Dixie Chicks. Originally by Stevie Nicks.

I can't even begin to describe the dismay in my heart right now. The one person in my life that I depended on so much was my boyfriend. I thought I had finally found someone that I could trust whole heartedly with every aspect of my being. Yet here I am, tears pouring out of my eyes and my stomach convulsing in such agony as I'm typing this out. Here I am losing my absolute will to live. It's so funny during times like this when things get really dark and stormy inside your head. People from your past just start popping up all over the plce trying to prove to you that you do matter. That you have a soul. That you're important. But when that one person you had so much faith in, betrays you, everything feels like it just doesn't matter anymore. I feel my entire world crumbling at my very feet. I made a reddit post explaining what happened. How I feel. How I'm handling myself. I can't even begin to think of what next week is going to be like, let alone next month. I moved to Atlanta for my boyfriend. I mean, I have this extreme issue with putting all of my focus into my partners. It's only gotten me nowhere.......why do I keep doing it. What is so wrong with me that I don't know how to give myself focus. 

It's supremely sad when you will take a bullet for someone to have them be the ones to turn around and shoot you in the chest. 

I have no friends here really. I have no support group to fall back on. I'm living with my aunt and she's effectively making me move out january 1st. I was supposed to be moving in with the boyfriend, but clearly that's not happening any longer since he cheated on me. The sad part is, I'm the fool who wants to stay with him. He wants a break to "figure himself out."

I'm scrambling to find an apartment before January comes, I have like 20 days. 

 

I'm so lost. I feel like I can't go on. 

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