Everything in my life is going wrong

I had the most amazing boyfriend. He was depressed and I managed to help him through a really rough time for him. Then I got depressed and at my lowest moment he leaves. He says that i'm too dependant on him because he was the only thing I had to look forward to and my that depression was not helping him. I know people have to be selfish in relationships sometimes and leave if they aren't getting what they need but I just feel so used. I miss him every day and these things aren't meant to get better with time but a month and a half later I still feel the same way I did when it happened. Over text whilst I was in a lecture as well haha that really helps my motivation to go being reminded of that every single class.

I don't have any friends here or at home so I don't know how to make it through the time till I'm over him. I feel so lonely all of the time and I can't do anything to not feel that way. I've tried joining clubs but I'm a very shy awkward person so I never connect with people. I haven't had a friend in years and this is really hard to do alone.

I'm also currently failing my degree because I missed so much work when I was really bad. I've been trying my hardest to make up for it but there's so much to catch up on and exams are coming up soon and I can't see any hope of me passing this year. I can't let myself fail my parents have paid so much for me to come to university and i can't let them down. I think I have a major issue with letting people down. I will do things I really don't want to just so someone else won't feel disappointed or at least the definition of it which I have in my heed. Even sex which my boyfriend used to say was rape. Am I that fucked up i'll let someone rape me so they don't get sad. Talk about a people pleaser. 

Also to top everything off I got a call the other day saying that my grandad is in hospital and he's not going to make it. And I was never really close to my grandad but that is so much more important that a stupid university boyfriend or doing badly in some exams. And yet those things occupy my mind more which makes me a pretty shit person I reckon.

I've been told to just get by a day at a time and I can't keep it up. I don't feel like I'm living just exisiting. Just rushing towards my death to be done with what I think is my crappy life, when it's far better than others I'm aware. I can't keep doing this I need to live but I don't know how. Thanks for reading 

User Comments

Hey, Just reading this I can tell how bad you feel. You have my sympathy, totally, its horrible to feel so low.

Can you address the work at uni? Are you able to get an extension and focus upon the work. If you take control of that aspect it may help you feel more in control of one area and allow you to then focus on the other areas.

I would also try and see your Grandad, that way you can stop mentally beating yourself up about it. I hope you manage to stay strong and you have my best wishes.