Sophomore year I met her. We were both in credit recovery because we failed a class. We talked, we goofed off and we became friends. After we parted ways we didnt see eachother until the next year in our U.S. History class. We did not talk much. She was doing her own thing as I was doing mine. Senior year we reconnected. I wanted to make my move but I was too late. She started to date someone else. I got over it. College started and after about eight months of dating the guy, breaking up with him, and going to the same college as me we finally started talking. We started hanging out. We were invited to go to Nashville for a free concert with some other friends. I picked her up and we drove down there. The whole way there we just talked. It was beautiful. She was amazing. Later in our relationship she told me that she was leaning more towards not dating me but that night changed it all. I have never been a concert kind of guy. My anxiety and depression takes all the fun of being in a large crowd. She saw that I was not having fun. She turned to tell me that we could leave at any point. I told her "Well I would rather stay if you are having fun." She would later tell me that when I said that she knew she wanted to date me. We were perfect for eachother. She made me feel alive. She pulled me out of that void of darkness that I was so deep inside. Every single day we would hang out. We would talk. The first time I spent the night at her house we stayed up till five o'clock in the morning asking questions about eachother. This was my first girlfriend that I felt so connected with. She was the first one I did anything more than make out with. She had the most beautiful smile ever. Her laugh was so cute. We had our first arguement. She thought I was just in it for sex. Honestly that tore me to shreds. I do not care about sex. I just care about feeling like a human and not some empty shell floating through time and space. We both made up and got over it. We had minor arguements here and there but nothing too serious. Every single moment that I would spend with her, I felt more alive. She got locked out of her dorm so I drove over there at twelve o'clock at night to pick her up. I brought her a jakcet since it was a bit cold outside. With her, I was always thinking about things to do to make her happy. That is all I wanted. For her to be happy. I was already feeling better than I had ever felt. One day I snapped. I fell back in to the abyss. I cut everyone out. I did not text or talk to anyone including her. She got mad at me. I tried explaining to her that its just how I am. It is very rare but somedays I just do not check my phone. It happened twice while we were a thing. I made amends and she got over it. The second time I was not so lucky. I did it again. I did not text her. I was at my first college party. I honestly have no clue why I went. I sat on a couch with my legs criss cross apple sauce just staring at everyone. I was not having fun. People would look at me and say things, at least I think. I just feel like people judge me when they probably do not. She did not talk to me for three days. It was the roughest three days of my life. Eventually we made up. Things still felt weird. I asked her if things were different and she replied with yeah. I wish I never would have said anything. Later in the conversation we broke things off. I miss her. I miss hearing that laugh, seeing that smile and feeling that warm embrace of her arms. I miss staring at her when we would lay down and go in for a kiss. I miss hearing her try to fool me with riddles but instead getting mad that I figure them out. I miss goofing off with her. I miss feeling the best I have felt in years. I want it all back. I want her.

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