Recent breakup with close friend

I was recommended this site and I thought why not give it a go.

My name is Dan and I am a 16 year old student in England.

I was in my first ever relationship and I was happier than I had ever been in my life. She recently met another guy and left me for him, with the news that she doesn't love me anymore. Even though it was only 1-2 months, I feel like my whole world is crashing and burning. We were always happy, and kept eachother going, so the sudden change has left me with terrible thoughts which drag me back down every time I begin to feel less hurt, and they keep me up at night. 

I may be young at the age of 16 but I feel as though I have experienced enough in the love part of life to be 30.

At first, after prom, she started developing feelings for me but at the time I thought of her only as a friend. We were very close,  and all of my friends kept on pushing me to ask her out. I wasn't fond of this idea because I had feelings for another girl, but I decided to live a little and ask her. She said yes and we built a firm foundation for our relationship go sit on. Over the first week, I began to fall for her more and more until I believed I loved her just as much as she loved me. We were so extremely happy for the first month, helping eachother through exams and spending as much time as we could together. Then everything changed. 

About 3-4 weeks ago she was invited to a party with some of her friends who I had no relation with, and she told me that she had made a new 'friend'. His name is Charlie. For the next two weeks, they began talking more and more, getting more and more friendly with each other and he even began buying her tea at the school cafe (how british). Me and my friendship group weren't blind to this and I started to suspect she was falling in love with him. Sadly, my suspicions were true. 2 weeks ago, on Saturday 4th of December, whilst I was working, Charlie went round her house and got up to who knows what. She ignored my messages that night and didn't reveal that he came round until the next day. Obviously I wasn't happy with this, and we got talking about the situation and what she wants. Half an hour went by and she admitted she had feelings for him. This was the first time I felt serious emotional pain in a very long time. Many  tears were shed and we ended up agreeing to break up. As I walked home I began thinking of the happy times we had together and all the plans we had for the Christmas period, which emotionally crippled me to the extend that I only managed to sleep 3 hours on and off that night.

To my relief, the next morning I received a message from her saying she was wrong and that she wanted to fix things and talk. We ended up sorting the issue, and she agreed to stop talking to Charlie so that she wouldn't feel as confused and stuff. This didn't last long however, on the Thursday after (10th, 6 days ago) I found out she was still in contact with him and they were treating the situation like a joke, making 'banter' about seeing eachother and buying her tea even though he wasn't meant to. I began to fall back into the pit in my stomach and we had a row and she ended things again, claiming that 'the last thing she wants right now is a relationship with anyone'. In reality, this was just an excuse because she is already flirting with Charlie.

The next day I felt like shit and over the weekend I got nothing done and felt awful. This was the weekend past, 12th and 13th. She let me know that she wanted to go back to how things used to me, back when we were close friends. I agreed even though every time I see her I die a little more inside. Then, Monday came around. It wasn't too bad, me and her sit next to each other in quite a few subjects and we talked, although it was a bit more awkward than usual obviously. I believed that I could get through the pain and keep her happy because that's a what I want, her to be happy. But it turns out that status quo didn't last for long. 

Then after school on Monday, I asked if she still had feelings for Charlie and she admitted that she did. This was yet another blow to my heart, and just as I'm beginning to feel a tad bit better, I get knocked down again. The reason behind this feeling is that she said she no longer felt that she was ready for a relationship when she ended things, but in reality she lied to me since she does actually want one but with someone else. Tuesday was painful, and I had to act as though I was okay but in reality I wasn't. I made it up to lunch, and made my way to the cafe where our friendship group eats and hangs about, and the first thing I see is them two sitting with eachother and all of my friends, laughing and smiling. I froze because yet again, almost every negative emotion made an appearance. As soon as I could process it, I headed to the nearest toilet and began to break down before leaving school for the day.

So now Charlie is coming into our group, with most of my friends, and if he's there, I doubt I'll manage to keep up a false sense of happiness so I can't go there anymore. I was ditched my the girl I loved, and now by the group I find slight happiness. I don't know what to do anymore to be honest.

I keep telling everyone I'm okay and that I'll manage, but in reality I'm barely eating due to loss in appetite, losing interest in all my previous hobbies, and crying almost everyday. I can't exactly push her out of my life completely considering the classes we sit with eachother in and the fact that she's my friendship group, so I'm scared I'll never feel better again in school. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm doing fine in my classes, I have a loving family and many many friends, but I feel myself falling into a depressed state and I don't want to lose anything else. 

The thing that hurts the most is probably the fact that she seems unphased by the breakup and is going on with her life like nothing happened. Seeing her laugh, smile and enjoy Charlies company makes me feel more and more insignificant and miserable. Did the entire relationship feel fake to her? Did she never love me in the first place? 

I miss the goodmorning and goodnight messages and the skype calls, holding hands and kissing, but most of all I miss feeling happy.

This is the second time I've fallen in love with a girl, but the first time a relationship formed. The first time I fell into a depressed state where nothing mattered, and my ex pulled me out of it. Now that we're over, I feel myself falling back in. 

I just can't believe that she is completely fine and happy whilst I'm miserable, and I can't believe that she would replace me with someone 'better' like I'm just an component in a computer. 

I want her to be happy because I love her, but I also want her to feel what she made me feel. Nothing is right anymore and the emotional roller coaster I've been riding for a week needs to stop, but I see the track lasting for a long long time.

User Comments

Sorry its so bad for you at the moment.  Sounds patronising (I don't mean to be at all) but time does heal everything, trust me - things I was heartbroken over at 16 now wouldn't bother me at all.  You are young and believe me you should be enjoying yourself, so I hope you manage to feel better soon x