Eating me from the inside

Struggled most of my life with depression and anxiety. The last week has been unbearable for me. All my coping mechanisms have failed me. I feel like there is a swarm of bees attacking and stinging me , gnawing away at me. After years of dealing with feeling low i'm pretty comfortable with my darkest thoughts but this time its different. Not dark. Just nothing.

I feel completely numb to everything – nothing there at all.

I can't figure out why I feel like this, i've stopped feeling anything. After years of coping the best way I can I feel that it has finally gotten the better of me.

It started when I lost focus and felt uneasy with everything. Couldn't read anything because my mind would wander aimlessly, stopped listening to music because I couldn't enjoy it. Productivity at work is nearly zero because my mind has gone to shit. Can't even write any more, that's my one passion and I feel nothing about it. Can write a few lines but nothing more than that and just give up. Somewhere along the line I have lost it.

I'm not suicidal, although I think the world would be better off without me. I've never seriously considered suicide. I can't even keep my thoughts straight and think im probably rambling even now.

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