Scared of everything I try

I wanted to type out something more coherent than this so I apologize!

I've been struggling with panic attacks since 2013. I've always had a bit of anxiety and also have various medical problems that don't help either.

I started hiking and rock climbing which really helped with anxiety but I got caught in a freak thunderstorm and spent what seemed like forever trapped under a boulder – I was crying and petrified I was going to get struck by lightning. Scared I would get hit at any moment. Basically I now can't go outside or even try hiking again as i'm so petrified.

I tried swimming but my brain kept telling me I was going to drown and die and I can't get those thoughts out of my mind. The fear of that is now preventing me trying again.

I hate that I can't do anything with out being convinced i'm going to be killed if I keep doing it. Why am I like that? Its fucking ridiculous but I'm stuck.

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