Lost Soul

So I was with my girlfriend for almost 4 years till about August this year. Earlier this year she left to a different country to pursue her studies while I stayed back to complete mine. The time difference wasn't bad at all, only 2 hours.

After a few months there, she became distant and she told me she felt depressed and lonely over there. Text conversations became less frequent and skype calls became non-existent. However, no matter what I would always be there for her when she texted me or needed me. I encouraged her to go out and socialize and stuff.

On her birthday, I made her a video showing all our friends and her family back her wishing her a happy birthday and I send a ukelele over as a present. I just wanted to do anything to not make her depressed anymore. I don't like to brag, but I was a pretty good boyfriend in my opinion.

Fast forward a little and it was my birthday, and there was no present for me. Now I'm not the materialistic type and I don't even like presents but the the least she could do was actually call or skype me to wish me but all I got was an emotion-less text wish that she never replied after I replied her. On my birthday my results were also released and turns out I failed one of my core subjects and I had to be held back a semester. This news devastated me and when I told her about it, there was little to no support from her.

I was even doing some freelance jobs to save up enough money to surprise her but due to her negligence I got pissed and I straight up asked her what was wrong with our relationship instead of giving her space. She just told me she wasn't sure if she loved me anymore. She said we would talk about it when she came back which was about 1 month back. A few days later she just told me that it was over between us and when she did come back in that month she did not even contact me.

So I thought to myself, she's just not into me anymore and I should move on. I've been trying my best and sure at times I don't think about her anymore but during those lonely nights or when I'm rushing an assignment, she creeps into my mind and I just lose all will and motivation. I just find it bloody unfair she was the one that dumped me and yet I'm the one spending all my free time thinking about her, is her studies going well? is she eating right? is there another guy in her life? (maybe that's the reason) does she even think about me? (probably not)

Thinking about her just brings me down and in a negative mood that affects my relationship with my friends and my family as well as my studies. I try not to allow her to dictate so much of my life when we are not together anymore but I really can't help it. I have truly forgotten the last time I felt happy. Its like when she left me, I lost my source of happiness, my sunshine and basically my motivation to get better in life. I know I'm still young and maybe I'm just feeling this way because she is my first love and I naively thought I was gonna wife her.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to achieve writing this post. Initially I just wanted advice on how to get over her, but I've read almost every breakup advice out there and I just don't have the willpower to do it. Maybe just ranting here will help me as a medium of release. Maybe some of you kind souls can help or advise me in this predicament. Thank you for taking your time to read this, I appreciate it.

User Comments