It was never enough

I just wanted to be enough. I spent two years trying to be everything you wanted in me, and it was never enough. No matter how hard I worked, how many things I made and goals I achieved, it was never enough. No matter how I shaped my body, starved myself to be skinny enough and worked out until I threw up to be fit enough, you never noticed. You still told me I didn't deserve you. You still accused me of being unfailthful, no matter how many ties I severed and how many nights I stayed in to prove my devotion to you. You still told me to end my life, as if I were a string you cut off your favorite shirt, nothing more than a nuiscance; a cosmetic inconvenience. You still turned to other men, better men, to give you what I clearly couldn't. But you'd come back to me, promising me you only had eyes for me, that you'd never make me cry like that again. Then you'd remind me in your most heated moments that at any second you could have anyone you wanted. Because I wasn't enough. I could never be enough. And I'll never forget the way that stung. The way it still stings, knowing you're out partying with your friends and your flavor of the month, while I'm in bed pretending I want to be here, all the while my pills are calling my name. 

User Comments

Sounds to me like this is nothing to do wih you, you were being abused mentally by the other person in this.  Please don't let that affect your life as you are worth more than that.