I feel like I can't turn it on again.

I have been in a preety deep sprial, and I feel like i'm coming back to the surface. However a larger part of me is wondering if I can turn my personality back on again. The skill to defelct with a joke is pretty easy for me, and has given the impression of a happy guy. Which part of me has even fallen for. At this point in life the feeling of that being "me" is part of why I haven't been able to really get my feet back under me, and out living in the world again. A series of adobmial surgeries seem to pop up on my timeline than other life events. Good job, house, wife, ect..... Currently my job is on the stepping stone to something better, but that stone has now lasted well over a year. If this horse pays off, then asap i'm gonna have yet another hernia operation done. Its about a baker's dozen on those so far. The added strees of my yonger borthers wedding, and me in the roll of best man has added to the stress, which I don't process well. 

I have a sea saw in my mind on which way to take the speech. Do I fake it the absolute best I can, or do I make a total train wreck of the deal..........


User Comments

Hey, if you make the speech genuine, heartfelt and read it to the best of your abilities then I'm sure that will be fine. Don't overthink it or you will end up creating the reality where you fail at it. Just approach it as a way of expressing to your borther how much he means to you by trying as hard as you can to do it as you.

I have found that pretending to be happy when you are not can be fine for a while but eventually you need to express how you really feel. Can you talk to your wife at all?