More punishment than is fair

I'm 30.  I can't pay bills or rent. I wanted to be a meteorologist, but I'm one paper short of my degree, and I'm fairly sure that I won't find a job anyway. I currently teach/tutor at a private school in Washington state, but it pays minimum wage.

I look around at everyone I went to high school with. They're all married/sickeningly in love, have kids, have great jobs, or have at elast two of the three. I have f*** all going for me right now. No job prospects that aren't gas stations or fast food (because I couldn't get any internships, don't have parents or friends that can get me an in for anything, and could only ever find something I'm often told I'm WAY overqualified for). No close-knit social network in any of the places I've lived. I'm an alien in my own skin. All of my efforts seem to just fail miserably.

I bust my a** in this world. I've worked 60-, 70-, 80-, 100-hour weeks since graduating from college. Just about everyone I went to college with had--and most still HAVE--great jobs the day after graduation.

How is it that seemingly EVERYONE seems to be better than I am? I KNOW I've worked harder than anyone else. That's not hubris; people always comment "You should be there by now as hard as you work". But, honestly, if I never hear "You have a great work ethic" again, I'd be just fine with that. I've had it with killing myself to survive while everyone seems to just live without thinking about it. I need multiple paychecks (or worse: I have to beg) to keep a roof over my head and everyone I know either travels every other weekend or they don't know how good they've got it, so they throw it away in ultimate IDGAF fashion. 

I love all of my friends, don't get me wrong. But their collective and individual successes and haves and lives PISS ME RIGHT OFF.

...This was supposed to be cathartic. 

...I think it's just flung me into crisis.

User Comments

Can you submit the paper towards your degree or is it too late now?